Wonkette

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

What is it about the crazies that makes good theater? Oh, sure, you’ll say, you’ve never glamorized the mentally ill; you don’t think it’s funny when a conversation with your schizophrenic cousin devolves into a list of numbers and colors, or when the filthy hobo who works the street near your office screams obscenities at terrified passers-by. But you (and here I’m using the collective “you” of collective guilt) elected Kitty Harris and Michelle Bachman and Cynthia McKinney, so we guess sometimes you think stone cold crazy is OK! More to the point, you patronize films and read books and, yes, chortled at cartoons full of characters that are clearly off their nut! Is it any wonder the crazy factor in this country gotten so high that people are giving money to Tom Tancredo and Mike Gravel to run for President? This week, we look into the face of madness, and contemplate the demented world that you made.

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Illegal immigrants are taxing our nation’s social services and health care system. They’re placing new strains upon state and local governments. And now they’re screwing our pooches: MORE »

It’s Friday, we’re posting pictures of a guy in a bear suit.

Says the tipster who sent it in: “here in TN i can guarantee you that the voters are BEARLY paying attention to this controversy.” MORE »

Local campaigns are so much more colorful than national ones. They involve all the best stunts:

There’s a bear on the loose in this year’s [gubernatorial campaign.

A man dressed in a bear costume and wearing a highway trooper-style hat has appeared at several of Gov. Phil Bredesen’s re-election campaign stops this week, holding up signs demanding the Democratic governor return campaign contributions made by members of the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

“The bear is a friendly reminder that the governor needs to ‘bear’ more responsibility,” Chris Devaney, executive director of the state Republican Party, said Thursday.

Yeah, we’re groaning too.

If you can “bear” with us — HARHAR — there’s a little more, after the jump.

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The Senate is for sale too: MORE »

is this photo: MORE »

Cheney rumor we don’t believe: MORE »

Accountability’s the name of the game here at Wonkette. That’s why we were so excited to learn about the President’s Management Agenda, in which government employees are obligated to prove that their programs are worth their cost to taxpayers. It comes, as all good Agendas do, with a handy website: expectmore.gov, wherein you can find the whole list of programs that ought to be “eliminated and/or trimmed back.” First Draft did the necessary research (we have a policy against visiting government websites that aren’t intended for children or that don’t feature human-animal hybrids) and found a fun sampling of the government programs we can clearly do without. Some unnecessary wastes of your hard-earned cash include: MORE »

• Current Human-Animal Hybrid alert level: Elevated. [jesseberney.com]

• As soon as they sold out to the Post, we knew they’d sell out to the NSA (who, it seems, also have a kids page — have any government officials ever met a child?). [Washingtonian]
• The Department of Justice is addicted to oil. Also, they got the day off. [DCist]
• “Wolf and Jack” sounds like some sort of biracial late-’60s buddy movie, right? [FishbowlDC]

Throughout the day, we’ve delivered celebrity sightings of Bob Novak, that human-animal hybrid; more Supreme Court justices than you can shake a stick at; and the man that everyone’s talking about, Jack Abramoff.

Now we bring you an added bonus: a sighting of a possible future POTUS, Senator John McCain!

Sitting in National, waiting to catch the shuttle flight to NYC, when McCain sits down in front of me. Multiple people keep coming up to him to talk. A woman in her mid 50’s comes up and says, “Why, Senator McCain, you are so much better
looking in person!” McCain says thank you.

As she leaves, I lean in and say, “Senator, I know how hard it is to be so devilishly good looking.” McCain starts cracking up, and I continue by saying, “I’m glad that worked — it was that or a Jack Abramoff
joke!”

The laughing stops; McCain proceeds to raise his paper over his face. I get up and walk away.

Good stuff! And the fun’s not over yet. Go the jump page — click on that pointing finger — for sightings of such boldface names as Susan Collins, Tony Williams, Mark Warner, Karl Rove, Joe Lockhart, Paul Begala, Bill Frist, and many more!

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