illinois
Earlier this year, a court ruled that Roland Burris could not run in a special election to finish out the final weeks of his term, from the November election until the new Congress meets. The court said that was only for candidates who were also running in the election for a full term in Burris’ [...]
Next time you go to a Comic Con, make sure you bring your wallet, as it will be $80 to take a photo with this former Illinois governor and $50 to get his autograph.
Milorad “Rod” Blagojevich, a resident of Illinois, was an employee of the U.S. Federal Government until 2002, when he took a position with the government of the State of Illinois. Part of the compensation he received with this job was an employer-provided residence; however, although Blagojevich signed a new contract with the Illinois government in [...]
America’s Governor, Rod Blagojevich, cannot be convicted of anything because he’s too sexy. This is why the jury just told the judge, “Uhhh,” as they can’t decide on ANYTHING, and are permanently, hopelessly deadlocked on 22 of the 24 counts. (And those other two, wire-fraud/telephone charges, haven’t even been decided.) FREE BLAGO HE IS PURE [...]
GOP Representative Mark Kirk was doing so well in his quest to win the seat of Senator Roland Burris, who is retiring to his mausoleum because he has achieved all of his policy goals. As recently as May, he was up by nearly 7 points in the polls! But then he told a bunch of [...]
Illinois Congresshottie Illinois Rep Aaron Schock, who doesn’t miss his old belt at all, thank you, is campaigning against all the signs being posted up everywhere announcing that such-and-such place is a stimulus fund project. In a new YouTube, Schock rails against the signs, which he says are useless and cost “well over $10,000 a [...]
As part of his corruption trial, professional entertainer Rod Blagojevich has been appearing at Chicago’s Federal Courthouse Bar & Lounge all month to revisit some of his greatest recordings — including “I’ve Got This Thing, and It’s Fucking Golden,” his definitive hit. To capitalize on all the Blago-related excitement, the Chicago Tribune is posting the [...]
It’s an important day in world history: the kick-off of Rod Blagojevich’s Effing Golden, Parachute-Me-There Courtroom Circus Spectacular. So how does one go about mentally preparing for the stress of facing 24 federal criminal counts? Maybe a nice jog through the mean streets, or some kickball?
How many days since the last prominent anti-Gay Republican got outed as a Secret Homosexual? Several! So it’s time to report on the latest gay-hypocrite rumors, this time about Illinois Republican Mark Kirk, who is running for Barack Obama’s old Senate seat from Illinois. According to a blogger who “outs” the closeted gay Republicans who [...]
Alleged hooker-girlfriend-having/domestic abuser and admitted steroid eater and pawnbroker Scott Lee Cohen is planning to run for governor of Illinois, as an independent. It’s a job for which literally everyone in America is qualified. Cohen won the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor in February after the media had neglected to pay him any mind, because [...]
It sounds scary when it’s written like this: “Gov. Pat Quinn today called for a 33 percent increase in the state income tax rate to raise money for education and ease deep cuts he’s proposed in his new budget plan.” Less scary when it’s written like this: “Quinn wants to increase the personal income tax [...]
Here is Democratic Illinois lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen, of steroids, prosititutes, knife-cutting, knife-cutting prostitutes while on steroids, etc etc, fame, res… HE’S RESIGNING? He can’t resign — we just ordered three more shipments! Crybabies. [YouTube]
