iowa
Mitt Romney is just too busy “saluting” Rick Perry today to think about the fact that he actually lost to Rick Santorum in Iowa. But Romney’s team had time to release a statement downplaying the whole “we made history” claim (by pretending it was never uttered) and saying really, the whole thing was a “virtual [...]
For many years we’ve been predicting the Republicans would eventually run an actual muppet for president, and that dream came true when Michele Bachmann ran for the GOP nomination. But since she quit, are there any other bug-eyed bits of cloth and foam and wire that could act stupid and crazy during the primaries? Yes, [...]
Now that he’s just eight paid Romney supporters away from being the most popular Republican presidential candidate in all the land, Rick Santorum is getting a “second look” from many who had mostly forgotten about the Pennsylvania oddball back when he lost his Senate seat by 17 points, to a Democrat, in Pennsylvania. But Rick [...]
Haha, what the hell is going on in Iowa? Ron Paul is winning right now, with 15% of the Iowa Caucus Pie Socials reporting, while the disgustingly frothy Santorum Surge has sprayed all over Mitt Romney’s $25,000 suit. (Don’t worry, Mitt has another dozen $25,000 suits in his limo, and more in the suite, and [...]
Giant toddler Newt Gingrich is in full crybaby force today, effectively doing a number on himself while attempting to do a number on vague front-runner Mitt Romney. On the CBS Early Show this morning, Gingrich sort of called Mitt Romney a LIAR. This followed some other not-nice-to-Mitt comments he made on last night’s Piers Morgan [...]
Politico gossip Ben Smith recently graduated to … what is it, 4chan? Fark? One of those sites. And now he is free to “tell the truth” about being a political reporter covering political campaigns: It’s not a lot of fun, because of the voters (and the politicians) being such craven idiots. This is why it’s [...]
The Obama campaign released a web video Tuesday morning as a friendly reminder to America that the President already knows who won the Iowa caucuses — in 2008, when he was Man of That Distant Year. Looking at pieces of media like this, it’s remarkable to think that Obama has the so-huge-it-sounds-fake sum of $99 [...]
Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight’s roll in the Iowa hay. While perfectly legal — there’s no limit to the amount of [...]
Uh-oh, guys, get your haz-mat suits out from the bottom of the survival kit: we are noticing a rapidly growing flood of “Santorum surging” stories out there right now, GAH. Rick Santorum has shot into third place in Iowa in the latest NBC-Marist poll, which means that every last weepy Republican homophobe who has actively [...]
Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might [...]
‘Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses recoiling from strange Iowa smells, Of corn syrup fields, and thick [...]
New poll proves it: the unwashed schizophrenic GOP primary voter hordes in Iowa are growing bored of saggy fat suit Newt Gingrich. Oh sure, DETAILS, Newt Gingrich still has the upper hand in the state’s angry clown knife fight FOR NOW, but his new numbers (22%) are down from previous weeks, i.e. looking as winded [...]
Only a genius with an IQ of 500 like Rick Perry could finally fit the puzzle pieces together in what can be called the great Da Vinci Code riddle of our time: why did Barack Obama really want to allow gays to openly serve in the military? So that “our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas” [...]
Times are tough for the anti-homosexual wingnut bigots of the Iowa GOP. They can’t decide which third-tier loser to endorse in their 2012 pretend election against all gay people existing … so they’ve picked both Rick “anal cum” Santorum and pathological pillhead baby rancher Michele Bachmann. Together, they are the best president America never had! [...]
