janet napolitano
Airport psychic Janet Napolitano was listening to the planes go by from the food court, staring into her magic crystal homeland security ball, when she heard a Voice from the Future! It said, “Keep your shoes on, America.” Air travelers will eventually be able to keep their shoes on to pass through security, but the [...]
Janet Napolitano has had a major breakthrough, people! A few days ago, Janet slipped and hit her head on her bathroom sink while trying to drink out of the toilet like an animal does, and bam!, an image of the flux capacitor a terror alert system with only two terror-colors appeared in her head. It [...]
Secretary Janet Napolitano recently announced an expansion of the “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign, because that is the sort of thing bureaucratic organizations do. But this struck fear into the hearts of certain wingnuts that are watching her closely these days, as she is not one of their beloved Republican Homeland Security secretaries, [...]
Get it? GET IT? Do you understand this joke. See, the other tennis person got good information out of Janet Napolitano after she injured herself, because injuries hurt… and we’ve gotta get the info… outta them terrists. HURTIN’ FOLKS IS FUN. Now go ahead son, slap that knee. [Washington Independent]
Paultards dress up as Janet Napolitano, at CPAC! She is “Big Sis” because she runs the catch-all bureaucracy no one has ever given a shit about and which has no power, or resources. In other words: “Sumo” would be apt, because she may be fat, maybe. [Photo via Garrett Quinn]
House Republicans now want Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano fired after her department released that memo warning of the “fertile recruiting environment for right-wing extremists” that America has become due to the loss of all national wealth, the black president, shitty immigration policy, and the general idiocy of many American citizens. While the memo was [...]
Loveable Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has opened his fat trap yet again, this time on a hot mic, to celebrate the selection of Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. He tells a friend that she’ll do well because she’s a fucking unmarried childless loser: “Janet’s perfect for that job. Because for that [...]
