jesus fucking christ
Are you an ex-stripper trying to get it together by kicking the meth and oxycontin? Tired of your boyfriend you met at the strip club, that cop, always beating the shit out of you? Can’t afford enough tattoos to cover your bruises and track marks? Welcome to Texas! You know, where you were born and [...]
It’s really a good thing Mother Jones exists in 2011, isn’t it? Because you’re sure not going to find a story about this in the New York Times or Washington Post: Under a GOP-backed bill expected to sail through the House of Representatives, the Internal Revenue Service would be forced to police how Americans have [...]
As America and the Entire Industrialized World dips into the second act of our 21st Century Greatest Depression, workers and employers are developing new skills to cope with the complete lack of money. In the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office, for example, about a hundred actual qualified lawyers have worked in the “reserve” program, meaning [...]
No legislative body in WORLD HISTORY has compared to the greatness of the Republican/Tea Party-led Arizona state senate, which bravely responded to Jared Loughner’s slaughter in Tucson by creating an official state handgun and also legalizing loaded handguns at all public events. But the Arizona Senate Republicans have proved they stand for more than just [...]
The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it’s time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, “I guess, to me, a little.” But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn’t really matter, as the actual influence of traditional religion on [...]
Thank the Neutered Dwarf-Gods of Journalism for the Columbia Journalism Review, which has bravely come to the defense of “responsible science reporters,” who have all become scientifically butthurt because NASA put out another bullshit press release promising “an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.” But what if the NASA [...]
Do you remember, a few days ago, when we MADE UP A COMEDIC STORY implying that Christine O’Donnell practices witchcraft? (It was a masturbation joke, somehow, like most mid-September jokes about Christine O’Donnell.) Well, guess what? Christine O’Donnell was actually a witch! But she didn’t “join a coven,” she says, in actual video from the [...]
It’s a good thing Obama sort of halfway gave that Consumer Protection Bureau job to his alleged friend Elizabeth Warren, because it sort of sounds like these are terrible times for the Consumer — who, by executive order, officially replaced the U.S. Citizen back in 1983. For example, U.S. Consumer Sentiment “unexpectedly declined” this month, [...]
With one of every seven Americans — and 20% of all U.S. children — now officially impoverished, the nation is finally back to the official level of poors last seen during the 1992-1994 recession. Unofficially, the number is at least twice that high, as “experts think that people who are getting by on as much [...]
Good god, we’ve gone several hours without a Levi Johnston update! Yesterday, we all learned of Young Levi’s political plans: He wants to run for mayor of Wasilla, because he heard about this other idiot who managed to become mayor of Wasilla. But his bastard child’s sketchy old granny (Sarah Palin) isn’t even mayor of [...]
Israel’s official daily briefing, the Atlantic Monthly, has a hot new announcement about how Israel is going to attack Iran, this coming spring, just like in the good old days of Reagan and the mujahideen. What could go wrong?! Oh, everything.
What’s a great way to relax at work after a tough morning of approving new torture techniques or Predator-drone bombings of weddings and hospitals in Lower Povertystan? If you’re one of the U.S. government employees and contractors of the Pentagon and its myriad criminal spy operations, “coffee break” means kicking back with some child pornography, [...]
A six-story-tall statue of Jesus’ torso known as “Big Butter Jesus” and/or “Touchdown Jesus” — because what is wrong with people? — was struck by lightning and burned to the ground last night. The vulgar landmark was built in 2004 outside some mall church in the outskirts of Cincinnati. “It was made of plastic foam [...]
Regarding the Hacked Gawker Comment Accounts
by Ken Layne
Nobody at Gawker Media has told us anything. We only learned about it early this morning, after we returned from a Christmas party and found a mysterious mass email claiming all of Gawker Media’s logins had been hacked and posted online — including those of people who simply commented on Gawker sites. FIRST: If you [...]