levi johnston
Important news from Alaska! Now that Levi and Bristol’s re-engagement has ended its two-week run at the top of the charts, Levi obviously needs something new to keep him in the public eye, because without the adoration of millions he will literally fade into non-existence. Fortunately, Levi has the services of his indefatigable manager, “Tank [...]
There is really nothing going on today. We suppose we have to post a thing about Palin saying Obama is “in over his head.” WAIT, NO, HERE IS SOME INSANE ROBOT THING WE FOUND ON YOUTUBE. That’ll do. Same thing, basically.
For the past few weeks our nation has had hope. Bristol and Levi got back together! That is a leading indicator of decreasing unemployment, somehow, probably! But now those two kids no longer are getting married. It has been reported, with journalism, that Levi’s pregnant ex-girlfriend is not the issue; rather, it’s another ex-girlfriend, an [...]
The fate of our democracy hinges on the life of a single man: Levi Johnston. AND IT IS FOR THIS REASON that we follow him closely. There may be other issues that are more interesting to cover, but we have a duty to blog about Levi Johnston and the sex he may or may not [...]
Levi Johnston and his new wife and old kid are now a Vaudeville family that travels the country singing and dancing and acting out vignettes about America and abortions and four-wheelers. Levi has taken the first step in joining Bristol as a certified actor by appearing in an R&B video. “And what’s the video about? [...]
Famous playwright Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol announced last week that true love does exist as she and Levi Johnston are getting married next month. But it appears Sarah Palin has chosen tragedy andwill not be attending this solemn ceremony, according to a “family friend.” Will Bristol and Levi be completely disowned by the Palin clan [...]
You know, we poke fun, but for a brief moment this morning while we were writing up this breaking news item, we allowed ourselves to feel ever so slightly warmly towards Alaska’s beautiful star-crossed lovers. Lots of people screw up when they are young! It can’t possibly be easy trying to negotiate teenage parenthood in [...]
BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL TO PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN OF HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE “Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston say they’re engaged and hope to get married within six weeks in Alaska … Palin and Johnston tell the magazine they reconnected while working out a custody plan and became engaged two weeks ago.” Ha [...]
Hours ago, it was revealed that Levi Johnston, who is BACK ON with Trig or Tapper or whichever Palin he made a baby with, now says that some things he said in the past about the Palins are not true. His sister Mercede saw this and took to her blog with the news that LEVI [...]
Traditionally, the governors of all the states on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border (did you know that Mexico has “states,” with “governors”?) get together once a year to “celebrate border bonhomie … issue proclamations and pledges to work together, air grievances and concerns behind closed doors.” In other words, they drink unseemly amounts of [...]
The reputable media have failed to confirm that Levi and Bristol are back to baby-making, which is why we need to turn to the “journalists of the future,” i.e., unemployed bloggers with an axe to grind — unemployed bloggers like LEVI JOHNSTON’S SISTER MERCEDE, HMM? Mercede “Not A Typo” Johnston took to her internet publishing [...]
Americans are absolutely shattered over the tawdry end of the Gores’ marriage, and need affirmation that love is still possible, because otherwise the whole country’s going to turn to alcohol and cutting to restore meaning to life. Well, good news, everyone! High school dropout Levi Johnston and successful motivational speaker Bristol Palin have decided to [...]
It used to be that an ambitious, semiliterate Alaskan had just one route to fame: strike it big while pannin’ fer goald and be immortalized in a poem by Robert Service. But recent history shows that all you have to do is be willing to depart your beloved Meth Capital of Wasilla and either 1) [...]
All feuds, legal and otherwise, between Sarah Palin and her teenage daughter’s ex-boyfriend can be handily expressed in Mad Lib form: Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston ______ (synonym of “bickered pettily”) about the treatment of ______ (member of Palin family under the age of 3), defenseless infant, in a very ______ (antonym of “private”) fashion [...]
Human technical foul Levi Johnston went on the teevee show of one of the View ladies that is not the View to talk about Levi Johnston. The red-headed teevee lady decides, on the spot, that Levi is a gay icon, informs him of this, and asks how he feels about it. Levi tells her he [...]
