liveblogging
Hello, and welcome to Hades. It’s time for another “there’s actually a GOP debate every week forever” edition of Tonight’s GOP Debate. Who Will Win? Maybe Michele Bachmann will revive her lagging campaign by making the “Cakes of Light” (you really don’t want to know) and then maybe Chris Christie bursts out of this enormous [...]
No not another one! Yes, another one! We will do some liveblogging on this, maybe? To give Kirsten Boyd Johnson a break so she can “do something at night” (cry), maybe? Yes! We do hope you’ve picked up the usual giant-sized condoms full of vodka and ice axes, and that you’re ready to join us [...]
CNN’s spambots have been trolling our inbox since approximately forever with their creepy propaganda for this ludicrously billed “First Ever Tea Party Republican Debate” war film starring rusty news studio camera tripod Wolf Blitzer, an event which is neither the first “Tea Party debate” nor even the first Republican debate in the last week. We [...]
Tune in tonight as we liveblog, against our will, CNN’s very own amateur porn hour GOP debate edition of Wolf Blitzer trying to cop a feel off deranged hair monster Rick Perry! 8PM ET! Herman Cain will also sex 9/11, Michele Bachmann will sex the corpse of her own campaign, Rick Santorum will sex himself, Mitt [...]
WHO HAS ALREADY PASSED OUT from alcohol poisoning, or masturbation, or both together for those extra magical unicorn points? Are you still with us? Is anyone still left, in America? We are not here, we are ghosts. None of this is real. Ronald Reagan is just the star of your zombie porn collection and Rick [...]
We are hearing some kind of rumor that the corpse of Ronald Reagan is walking around the former president’s library with a Rick Perry mask stapled over its face? Sure, that sounds like good television. We will be liveblogging it tonight! Join in for the fun at 7:45PM ET. OH LOOK A PREVIEW, The Politico [...]
Is everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on a stage in Ames, Iowa and real-life Twitter incomplete sentences with all the fury of James [...]
We keep hearing that “Tim Pawlenty” is going to be eliminated on tonight’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, so we will be tuning into that just to see if we can finally figure out who this character is right before we have to say goodbye to him. That is the decent thing to do, as a [...]
The wat is over. This is reality: Osama bin Laden, killer of people in office buildings, is dead. President Barack Hussein Obama overcame his devotion to Allah and the cause of the terrorists to do what the white idiot who preceeded him could not: our armed forces cornered the bastard in a SUBURBAN MANSION and [...]
Turn on the teevee news! Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is delivering a statement about his long conversation with that guy he thought was David Koch. Interestingly, watchdog group Public Campaign Action Fund is calling for a probe into whether he committed ethics violations in saying what he said to the person he thought was the [...]
