Wonkette

Cocktober 2006 was a beautiful time; we remember it fondly, becoming misty-eyed and nostalgic whenever we are reminded of that better, simpler time when everyone was really interested in sexytime emails and porn. One of those times that makes us misty is right now, as we are told that Nancy Pelosi won’t help Florida law enforcement probe any deeper into whether or not our old friend Mark Foley committed any of a multitude of possible felonies. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement appealed to the Speaker herself to let them look at the backup tapes (tapes?) from Foley’s old computer, but Nancy said no. MORE »

Just about the time that former Speaker Denny Hastert was promising not to run for reelection, recently revealed documents show he was also settling a case with the FEC. See, he sorta kinda maybe spent $150K of his reelection campaign money on legal bills in the whole didn’t-prevent-Foley-from-molesting-boys thingie — which is itself perfectly legal, go campaign finance “reform”! — but he forgot to tell anyone in his FEC filings because he probably didn’t want all his donors to know that he was spending the money defending his incompetence instead of getting reelected. Total cost to Hastert for disobeying the disclosure law: $1,000. He didn’t face anything harsher than an Ethics Committee rebuke for not stopping Foley, though. Justice is so sweet, isn’t it? [Washington Post]

Jeez, the news sure was newsy back then, in 1982, when then-Congressman Larry Craig was also on national teevee denying he fucks boys. He was “unmarried by choice” at the time, and accused of getting Congressional pages HIGH ON COCAINE/MARIJUANA and screwing them at his house. MORE »

Mark Foley won’t let investigators see his sexytime on his computer, and Congress bravely stands by the teen-boy-loving ex-congressman. [MSNBC]

Dennis “the Hutt” Hastert is giving up and quitting, finally, after somehow keeping his congressional seat (if not the House majority) despite personally providing Mark Foley with fresh naked boys each morning. But as each sore loser Republican announces their ignoble retreat from politics in this grim summer, they are required to give interviews consisting of bitter attacks on American citizens for voting them out of power. MORE »

Wait, what? This is from the official Florida House of Representatives website, and it’s apparently a “technology hearing,” and our now-shamed haunter of men’s public restrooms is holding, we believe, a tiny breathalyzer device. So he’ll obviously be checking into rehab shortly. And the guy who took the picture should have some recommendations, as far as that goes.

Florida House of Representatives

The following e-mail was just sent specifically to Wonkette:

Hello,

I would like to invite all the Capitol Hill Interns to a TV shoot in DC … I’ts for a prime time series …. Could you send out a mass email?

Please call me…it’s happening on Monday!!!

Diane
323.904.xxxx

Sure, “Diane,” we’ll send out a mass e-mail. Good luck with your “TV shoot in DC.”

If we were a little more gullible, today we would be the proud winners of the Peabody Award that’s going to Brian Ross and his goddamned prop phone. MORE »

Behold Harriet Miers, far from Dorothy, Rose, and Sofia, yet smirking all the way to the hearing room. She’s in today’s Wonk’d, along with Mark Foley in the role of the sassy friend with all the best zingers and Barney Frank playing the lovable dummy. Make the jump for these golden girls, plus Rick Santorum as the hateable dummy, Jesse Jackson, Jr. as “the black one,” and one very hungry Stephanie Herseth.

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* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Norm Dicks, chair of the House Appropriations subcommittee on Interior and environment, wears a jacket with the words “Mr. Chairman” emblazoned on the front. On Saturdays. While getting a haircut… No members of Congress at Madame Tussauds, thank god. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: All-around douchebag and Abramoff buddy Michael Scanlon is suing his ex-wife for all the money in the world plus one dollar… New York state legislator starting a bizarre Courage Cup controversy. Features this sentence: “We will have nothing further to do with this person or his imaginary polo activity….” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Darryl Strawberry was at Blue Gin Saturday night, where the hell were you? … NICOLAS CAGE IS COMING, PREPARE YOURSELF. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Staffer steals Rep. Tom Tancredo’s car, smashes it into another car, tells Cap Police he had permission. If it weren’t for stupid Libby we’d have just written about this all day long… Crazy former Marine sending crazy letters to congresswoman. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Tim Mahoney, who unseated Mark Foley, has directed his staff to communicate via instant messenger… David Gregory: Airport line skipper. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Dick Morris continues to entertain. He’s being served with a subpoena by the DC Madam who’s threatening to sell her client list, all while trying to make an anti-Hillary documentary. [WP] MORE »