mark sanford
Mark Sanford has been thinking awhile about this whole Joe Wilson thing, which really, if you think about it, makes sense to think about in terms of Sanford’s extramarital affair. (Lows by any other name!) Here is Sanford, giving some interview in South Carolina and just owning sixth grade’s most savvy rhetorical move: “The guy [...]
Mark Sanford has admitted to a lot of sketchy behavior and pretty much constant lies about everything, and he is a weeping emo douche, but there’s one thing Mark Sanford wants you to know: HE DID NOT START THE RUMOR THAT HIS HATED RIVAL, LT. GOV. ANDRE BAUER, IS A BIG FAG. Somebody else must’ve [...]
South Carolina is just full of filthy sex people performing terrible acts of sex upon one another. Take Kristin Maguire, who became “of interest” last week after it was discovered that in between chairing the state board of education and homeschooling her own four children (?), she was in the habit of publishing her loosely [...]
Definitely not gay at all South Carolina Lieutenant Governor André Bauer, who has pledged not to run for governor if sex-having Gov. Mark Sanford resigns, so as to avoid any trace of string-pulling, has added some Modifications to this pledge. He has called on Sanford to resign IMMEDIATELY, but if he hasn’t done so within [...]
As any student of politics will tell you, it matters not one whit when an elected official gets caught having sex with a non-spouse person (provided that person is not a hooker or a member of the same sex or both). However, a single incident of sexual indiscretion gives that person’s enemies carte blanche to [...]
Jenny Sanford and the four Sanford kids recently fled the South Carolina governor’s mansion with their Dignity, leaving Mark to stew alone in a massive house filled to the rafters with the stench of Disgrace. He says it is “hard,” living alone, like a ghost.
Mark Sanford is sick, just sick to death, of Hypocrisy. First America was intolerant of true love and basically demanded that he pretty much ignore his own heart. Well, guess what, now everyone is angry that he has been spending time with his family! Specifically, everyone is criticizing him for using South Carolina’s money to [...]
JENNY SANFORD & KIDS MOVE OUT LIKE WHOA: The Sanfords are back from their merry two-week jaunt to the country Europe! So… how’d it go??? “First Lady Jenny Sanford announced Friday she is moving with her four sons to Charleston and will no longer live in the Governor’s Mansion.” NOT WELL, EH? The State even [...]
Remember the month of June, the month that happened a couple of months ago? The very best part of June was when a certain lovestruck Southern governor departed for a five-day solo Father’s Day hike in the woods and returned warbling about the Argentinian sparkin’ thing, much to the embarrassment of his spokesman, who had [...]
If we are to believe recent news reports, the C Street clubhouse hosts many dudes — okay, two or three dudes — who at one time or another found comfort in the arms of ladies who were not their wives. But wait! Wasn’t this a Bible study group or something, in addition to being a [...]
South Carolina, what a poop pile, right? It is no wonder the governor, Mark Sanford, never wants to spend any time in that goddamned place. Have you ever been down there? It is this awful fetid swamp, most of it consisting of nuclear waste dumps (in the rivers!), and one-in-five adults are jobless, forever, when [...]
After an investigation revealed that South Carolinian Ambassador to Argentina Mark Sanford had not misspent taxpayer funds in the course of perpetrating his adulterous affair with some hot lady, people were sad. They were sad because the “abused state funds” charge would have been the real corker on top of the “wandering peen” charge, in [...]
Famous harried slave and recipient of comical e-mails Joel Sawyer has regrettably tendered his resignation as Mark Sanford’s spokesman, although it is unclear as to why. Perhaps the Washington Post‘s Chris Cillizza should resend this e-mail to procure his latest Fix! [AP]
As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement.
