michelle obama
Our Michelle Obama just likes to surprise us every day, mostly with bad news about how we’re all killing ourselves, eating things that are probably not classified as “food” by any branch of science. But she also likes to surprise us by showing up places where a FLOTUS would not be expected to appear, like [...]
Our FLOTUS had her fun last week, when she went for a casual walk through a Target store even though she wasn’t fooling anyone. Now she is back to her normal business, which means she is hanging out with her BFF Rahm Emanuel, shouting curse words at the fat children of Chicago’s food deserts. But [...]
Our FLOTUS is very fortunate, because there is no Wall Street Insanity, in her world. Michelle Obama lives a much calmer existence, in a place where simple questions (“Where do fat people come from?”) have simple answers (“Arby’s”). So she is sometimes able to spend her time doing enjoyable things, like celebrating her wedding anniversary [...]
Twinkie and french fry enthusiasts (or, “The American People”) often forget that our FLOTUS has another cause, besides constructing a genocide against slob children. But she does, and this cause is The Troops, because nutritious lifestyle initiatives have turned out to be really polarizing for some reason, and Michelle Obama figured she should pick another [...]
Who is the latest casualty in Michelle Obama’s war against calories and fun? Prepare yourselves, because this one is a huge blow to this country’s Proud Obese and their important culture and lifestyle: the Darden Restaurant Corporation is what will now murder your children with mixed greens. You might not have heard of this Darden, [...]
Our FLOTUS has decided to get back to “business,” which means she is once again shoving things like fitness and exercise down the throats of America’s children, in between all the nachos and gravy that are already down there. Last Friday, Michelle Obama went to something called the “SmashZone” during the elitist tennis party known [...]
Yawn, there goes Michelle Obama again, partying in Europe with a bunch of celebrities when she is supposed to be doing her job (locking Malia in her room until she eats her broccoli). This time, our FLOTUS is not even trying to mask her frivolous night out as “official business,” shamelessly eating at an Indian [...]
As America heads swiftly toward its impending rapture date, Michelle Obama fans are wondering why our FLOTUS has not taken advantage of the opportunity to publish a “How to Make the Most of Your Ramadan Fast” diet book or, alternatively, eat some more hamburgers while no one is paying attention. Perhaps it is because our [...]
It appears that this country might actually continue to exist for a little while, so our FLOTUS Michelle Obama will probably come out of hiding now, to politely suggest that everyone wipe their tears, put down the anusburgers and jump on a treadmill. Of course, America never likes these sort of suggestions from the First [...]
