missouri
Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing [...]
Rick Santorum is going to ruin America tonight! No but listen: The nominating contests in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota tonight are non-binding, inconsequential in general because Mitt Romney will still win the nomination, and… dumb… we don’t know… but will possibly have the effect of crowning Rick Santorum as the main alternative to Mittens, which [...]
Unmarried elected Republican lieutenant governor Peter Kinder loves throwing money at a hot former Penthouse lady reasonably close to his own age. That “scandal” only ranks about a three out of ten because… eh, there’s the “adult lady” part. But is there some fine print? Sure: “[Tammy] Chapman alleges that while she gave the state [...]
This should play well in Missouri next year: House majority leader Eric Cantor (R-Meanie) has blocked federal disaster-relief help for Joplin, where an incredible storm and tornado killed at least 122 people and leveled much of the town. Police and firefighters and ambulance workers are still pulling victims from the rubble, and the Republican House [...]
Happy Halloween, America! So what are you going to come as to our blog costume party next week (which is back ON), Wonketteers? The lynched figure wearing a white yokel’s old work clothes or the giant KKK salt shaker? Both are obvious winners. [Raw Story via Wonkette operative "Monsieur Grumpe"]
Teabaggers in Missouri are up in arms over a proposed law that would regulate the state’s puppy mills by requiring them to give a bitch some rest between pregnancies, yo, and feed the puppies actual food and water. This has enraged them, obviously, because such regulations infringe on our cherished freedom to abuse animals and [...]
America’s “Burn a Koran Day” celebrity pastor Terry Jones and pill-popping serial groom/hatemonger Rush Limbaugh are not only both graduates of Cape Girardeau Central High School in Cape Girardeau, Missouri — they graduated together, in 1969. Some people are suggesting that this means something!
The Detroit Tigers have miraculously beaten the White Sox and primary results continue to come in slowly from Michigan, Missouri, and Kansas, your Middle America triangle of excitement. We have yet to rule out Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox as the “Governor of Cox” and future source of plentiful dick jokes, but it doesn’t look [...]
Tonight Michigan, Missouri, and Kansas decide their futures. Choose one candidate, and everybody gets laid tonight by a hot person. Choose another, and we all drown in a giant America-sized vat of Liquid-Plumr. Which choice will they make? The Michigan state bird is the robin! The Missouri state bird is the bluebird! The Kansas state [...]
Democracy Is Going To Die Tonight, But Your Wonkette Will Be There At the Deathbed To Hold Your Hand
Primary elections for both Democrats and Republicans tonight are said to be “crowded,” just like a hott nightclub, with lots of candidates to make us all sweaty. And luckily, your Wonkette will liveblog the whole affair so you can get all the Congressman Pete Hoekstra you can handle! Not to mention all the hott (Michigan [...]
Missouri is the Alamo/Gulf of Tonkin/Concord Bridge for Obamacare repeal. One of those things, whichever makes the most sense and makes Missouri sound the coolest. [RedState] Conservative legislators are not interested in providing free meals to malnourished children, because Jesus would have already made these children un-hungry if it was actually worth the effort. [Matt [...]
Some Republican nobody running for Senate in Missouri has stopped wearing his shockingly awful toupee, for “transparency.” Also, if the photos above can be believed, he has also stopped dressing like a Old West brothel owner. Still showing a certain detachment from reality, he says “I’ve removed my hair” (dude, it is not your hair, [...]
