mitt romney
A man named Ron D. of Loudon, Tennessee recently put up an auction on eBay that offered his services to anyone looking to embarrass Mitt Romney (FREE SHIPPING). The blonde-dreadlocked man is currently underemployed, delivering pizzas, so he could use some money. He doesn’t really have any past dealings with Romney; he just isn’t a [...]
The team of artificial intelligence experts currently maintaining the Mitt Romney apparatus may soon need to inject their baby with a bit more inevitability fluid. You may recall the reports that Mitt’s 8-vote victory in the Iowa primary may have in fact been a 12-vote loss due to a reporting error. But, ugh, counting and stuff [...]
What a thoroughly entertaining news cycle we have been treated to lately! It has been all about two things that combined form one of the most powerful sedatives in history: Mitt Romney and tax returns. Mittens continues to not yet release his tax returns out of a tight-lipped genteel horror at everyone knowing exactly how [...]
Prattler extraordinaire Sarah Palin came the closest yet to endorsing someone as the Republican nominee when she told Fox News’s Sean Hannity on Tuesday that she’d vote for Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina primary. But you see, this is not an endorsement at all, so for confused Republicans still planning on voting Republican this [...]
Oh look what Buzzfeed found, ha ha ha ha ha: McCain 2008 Oppo File
To most Americans, the phrase “not very much” when conceived in terms of money would signify, “the coins under the couch cushions or 36 cents, whichever is greater.” To Mitt Romney, you need to start talking at least six figures before he’ll even muster the words “not very much.” Anything less than a quarter-million rounds [...]
He’s not gone yet, but Rick Santorum will arguably be carried out of this campaign kicking and screaming by Mitt Romney, the tyrannical stepfather of the 2012 race, who’s just launched robocalls to South Carolina voters that feature audio of Santorum’s 2008 endorsement of Romney as the Republican candidate. On a scale of one to [...]
During a campaign stop in Florence, SC Tuesday, fresh off yet another night of news articles called “Focus Is On Romney at ______ Debate,” Mitt Romney told reporters that he believes his current tax rate is 15 percent. Yeah, that’s right, lower than what most middle class Americans pay annually and two percent higher than [...]
Stephen Colbert’s super PAC released an attack ad in South Carolina this weekend that makes the brilliant connection between Romney’s “corporations are people” comment and the number of jobs he killed while working at Bain Capital. Duh, that would make him A SERIAL KILLER by his own admission, if he ever admitted to anything. The [...]
Faced with attacks from the left, right, leftish, righter and center forward, Mitt Romney has spent his days in South Carolina focusing on trying to make people forget about Bain by talking about it constantly. After Sarah Palin and the rest of the world called out Romney, or at least called on him to get [...]
James David Manning, the flame-tongued Obama-bashing pastor of Harlem’s ATLAH World Missionary Church, has some new weapons to add to his marginal arsenal of attempted birther world takeover. Manning, in a new edition of his heartwarming Manning Report video series, says he believes that both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have black fathers, because no [...]
Rick Santorum, down in South Carolina with the rest of the troupe, decided Thursday afternoon to lump Mitt Romney’s proposed policies in with President Obama, further confusing the capitalism debate to the point that it now sounds like an LSAT question with no real answer. In the process, he, albeit not necessarily consciously, decided to [...]
Sarah Palin, world’s greatest unwitting composer of spam correspondence, has joined delightfully unexpected team of avengers Gingrich, Perry, Paul, Santorum and Huntsman LLC in attacking Romney’s Bain Capital tenure, specifically his claim that he created 100,000 jobs while papering his 100,000-square-foot house with 100,000 benjamins. Never mind that in the past one-eighth-eon that constitutes a [...]
