mittens
Capping off perhaps the most exciting pre-campaign campaign since fictional candidate Tim Pawlenty’s campaign was accidentally announced on a website on a Sunday night, Mitt Romney today announced he was really doing that thing he has been doing non-stop since approximately 1996: running for president. The health-reform Mormon returned to his roots in liberal Massachusetts [...]
Poor Mittens. Rudy Giuliani is edging him out in a new CNN/Opinion Research poll, and Giuliani isn’t even running! GOP voters sure are fickle. You’d think they could at least reward Romney just for politely telling everyone that he actually wants to be president. The Mayor of 9/11 hasn’t declared his candidacy and hasn’t hired [...]
The #1 most important world news story right now is: whatever is happening in Egypt Charlie Sheen no jobs Mitt Romney visited David Letterman’s talk show last night and recited his very own monologue, “Things You Don’t Know About Mitt Romney”! Here is an example of one of these Things you don’t know about him: [...]
Hilarious 2008 character Mitt Romney has been bringing bags of money to Republican candidates across the nation, but he’s still a GOP nobody compared to such right-wing celebrities as Snowbilly Sarah Palin and sociopathic opportunist Newt Gingrich. Why can’t Mittens just be an ignorant bigot like they are, and bash the Muslims and Mexicans and [...]
What will Mitt Romney do to win the Republicans’ support in 2012? Literally anything. According to important political blog TIME Magazine, Romney is “coming out” at CPAC. It’s gonna be a sausage fest! And don’t worry, Ann: It’s not cheating if it’s up the butt. [The Note via Wonkette Operative "Andrew B."]
World-class asshole Mitt Romney was flying back from the Winter Olympics — he must always remind everyone that he worked at the Winter Olympics once — when a fellow passenger tried to punch him out. Already a perfect story, right? WELL IT GETS BETTER, because the reason the guy attacked Romney is because Romney was [...]
Comical gazillionaire Mitt Romney continues to believe he has a shot in “h-e-double-l” of becoming the Republican nominee for president, despite his anti-Christian “faith” and his gay-liberal health-care-reform Taxachusetts history. So he’s off to Iowa, the King of States, exactly three years before the 2012 Iowa caucus. Romney is on a book tour! He has [...]
John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her [...]
Now that Barack Obama has killed Comedy, America’s last best hope for political laffs is a McCain-Romney ticket. And it looks like Mitt Romney may oblige, given the latest development in his years-long quest to be humiliated by, with, and on behalf of John McCain. He has forgiven the $45 million in loans he made [...]
Now that Hillary is “out,” we will devote our full attention towards getting Mitt Romney on the Republican ticket and saving humor forever! And it looks like progress is being made on that front, according to Time‘s Mark Halperin, who knows these terrible things.
Ever since John McCain pissed all over Mitt Romney in a debate, and even before then, Mormons haven’t taken kindly to the foul-mouthed, unhandsome, twice-married atheist grumpus. So it’s no surprise that McCain might get a lukewarm reception at a couple of Utah fundraisers — even when they feature big draws like George Bush and [...]
