Wonkette

AMERICA’S WORST GOVERNOR: “Gov. Jim Gibbons has become a fleeting presence in Carson City, rarely showing up at his Capitol office and making few public appearances.” [Las Vegas Sun]

AMERICA’S WORST GOVERNOR CAUGHT HUMPING OLD PLAYMATE: Drunken lout and serial cheater Jim Gibbons took a break from ruining Nevada to get caught cheating on his soon-to-be ex-wife Dawn, again, in the parking lot of the Reno Rodeo. Stay classy, Jim. [AOL Political Machine]

Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited! MORE »

Dawn Gibbons has been living in the Nevada Governor’s Mansion alone since earlier this year. Jim Gibbons, the moronic alcoholic waitress-assaulting sex criminal who was comically elected governor in 2006 and took a secret midnight oath of office in his Reno living room, has moved back to that Reno house. He served Dawn with divorce papers, but she says he won’t tell her why he’s divorcing her. MORE »

With nothing better to do these days, Ron Paul and his crazed followers bum-rushed the Nevada Republican Convention in Reno on Saturday — and they upended the whole process, which was supposed to be an “Oh well let’s give our Romney support to McCain since he is apparently the nominee.” They voted to change the party’s rules and seize the state’s delegates for Dr. Congressman Ron Paul! Hilarious! Then, convention chairman Bob Beers shut down the whole event, claiming the Peppermill Casino was going to kick them out for continuing beyond 5 p.m., which was a total lie, so the Paultards tried to kill him, and he barely escaped with his life! MORE »

The divorce gossip is basically true! Halfway through a disastrous scandal-ridden first (possibly fictional) term as Nevada’s governor, rat-eyed corrupt paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic cocktail-waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons is having a “family meeting” this weekend to make a divorce deal with Dawn Gibbons, his long-suffering yet power-mad wife. This is according to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting Gibbons’ own office. Congratulations, Dawn! Maybe your settlement will include that briefcase full of bribe money and poker chips the lobbyists brought you on the cruise ship!

Future of Gibbons marriage uncertain [RGJ]

During our most sordid American midterm campaign, Congressman Jim Gibbons brought important attention to his bid for the governorship of Nevada by getting caught in some sleazy Vegas scene where he allegedly tried to drag a cocktail waitress back to his hotel room and then pretty much threatened to dump her corpse in the desert if she complained. Oh, Jim Gibbons, we have missed your stupid antics. Your nice wife Dawn Gibbons? Not so much. We hear she had divorce papers delivered to you Wednesday. MORE »

*WAR IS HELL:* The Clintons’ “March to the Sea” continues today as she burns all defeated culinary union employees in Vegas. [CNN]

* It seems weird, but presidential candidates are talking about race for some reason today. [NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani still thinks he’ll be president of Florida just because you can get today’s New York Port on Miami Beach. [Miami Herald]
* Will the world ever recover? The Los Angeles Times loses another editor. {Reuters]
* Well, at least John Edwards is very, very rich. [The Guardian]
* Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews seems to think these presidential candidates are funny. [Fishbowl DC]

While you people had a nice weekend, we went back to Nevada for Caucus Day. It was a very special time. We also “virtually” went to South Carolina, in our minds, to cover the GOP primary. Here’s what you missed: MORE »

While this Casino Caucus video can’t compete with Wonkette’s Cloverfield Coverage, it does provide actual verification of our hysterical claims: Nobody in Nevada even knows what Caucus means, let alone how to hold one. [Why Tuesday?]

OBAMA FINALLY GIVES UP (NEVADA): Barry Hussein did pretty well in Reno, which is a mostly black/Muslim area, but Hillary smashed his Hope down here in Las Vegas, despite the busboys’ union endorsement. Obama’s official statement is a dignified and hopeful message. Ha ha, just kidding: It just whines about all the hundreds of caucus irregularities. Also, Obama won more actual delegates, so he actually won after all! [Las Vegas Sun]

“Romney’s thrilled about his Magical Mormon victory in Nevada, where nobody but Romney (and Ron Paul!) bothered to campaign. It’s a very, very important victory, according to Romney. And CNN just cut off Hillary so we could hear Romney trot out another old story about his wife. But the best part of the Nevada GOP results is, obviously, Dr. Congressman Paul’s performance. He’s in second place, 200 votes ahead of McCain and three thousand votes ahead of Rudy Giuliani. Go Ron Paul! [Guardian]

At nine casinos in fabulous Las Vegas today, the Democrats held these weird “at large” caucuses for the Culinary Workers Union, which happened to endorse Obama. And then there was a court case — not-so-secretly encouraged by the Clinton campaign — to stop these casino caucus spectaculars, because that might help Barry Hussein Obama. Well, in the end Hillary won even with the union people having the right to vote or whatever. Here’s what it looked like. MORE »