New Jersey
Why is Donald Trump in the news again? Wasn’t he banished for the rest of 2012? Guess not. Besides the dingle-dongle Endorse Newt vs. Endorse Mittens moment of this morning, vulgar hair-weave troglodyte Donald Trump is also planning to bury people in his tacky country club golf course graveyard in New Jersey. Give Trump some [...]
“Why hello, 2004, we had almost (thankfully) forgotten about you,” was our first reaction to the news that Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign has a new “celebrity” champion in Joseph Antonio “Fat Joe” Cartagena, who at one point made a lot of suburban middle school dance chaperones nervous with his funny lyrics about the act of [...]
Apparently since dull turd Mitt Romney’s campaign message “Comrade Barack Obama is only here to steal yer munnies” comes across like he is just some anxious unlikable rich guy worrying over his fortune, hahaha which he is, Mittens’ sweaty-shiny new campaign trail attack frog Chris Christie will polish it up with something a little bit [...]
A lot of politicians “run for office,” apparently, and to do this they need something called a “war chest,” which sounds ominous but is really just a bank account full of money from their supporters/overlords. Now, supposedly that money is meant for running for office only, and not for, say, plunking down $7,725 so you [...]
Hmmm, so what has corrupt old coot Jon Corzine been doing with his time since New Jersey dumped his ass for sexy younger wife Chris Christie? Oh, you know, the former Goldman Sachs CEO just wanted to sorta work his way back into the old Wall Street swing of things. Mission accomplished! Which means, obviously, [...]
Ah, the old “probably it was some guy who broke into my hotel room and took pictures of me sleeping in my underwear” excuse. Medford, New Jersey mayor Chris Myers is here to fill the weekly news slot reserved for the outing of one or another garden variety self-loathing, escort-loving closeted Republican politician with a [...]
World’s best lover New Jersey GOP state Senate candidate Phil Mitsch has some hot relationship tips on Twitter for the ladies, oh yeah: ”Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.” BAM. You like that? Yeah, you do. And that’s [...]
Well, that’s it! The Republicans’ “Jersey Jesus” of capitalism, gigantic space blob Chris Christie, announced all super-formal like that he will not run for President despite a year’s worth of weepy pleas from the club of Republican insider weiners who begged him with platters of diamond-encrusted donuts and filthy Kochsucker cash to rescue them from the [...]
Republicans are a large bunch, if you get what we mean. When Teabaggers sit around the house, they literally sit around the 3,800-square-foot foreclosed tract house, in Florida. The latest advances in physics are repeatedly tested by the makers of Hoverounds and Rascals, as the wee scooters are expected to carry ever heavier loads. So [...]
The victims of 9/11, man, they are the ones who always get their names on the plaques and monuments and things remembering 9/11. How is that fair? There are some other people too, you know, some politician people, who are doing the important work of building 9/11 monuments. Maybe a 9/11 monument could share some [...]
What are the Bored Political Wives of New Jersey or whatever that show was up to these days? In the latest scintillating episode, the wife of New Jersey GOP (now ex-) Assemblyman Patrick Delaney is keeping her vacuous afternoons busy firing off bilious illiterate racist tirades to New Jersey state Senate candidate and zillion-time Olympic [...]
Jonathan Alter singlehandedly launched fat goblin Chris Christie’s much-awaited fictional presidential bid today, on Twitter, discussed it with himself a while, un-launched it, and then clarified that he only wishes Chris Christie were running for president. Or at least that is what someone told us this says, because we still do not speak Twit. Remember [...]
Louis Magazzu has just resigned from the esteemed position of Cumberland County Freeholder in New Jersey, after his seXXXy naked pix were e-mailed or Twittered or something. At this rate, we are probably in the audition phase of some sort of nude self-portrait calendar for the political set. A politician who emailed a woman nude [...]
The great legal mind of New Jersey Assemblywoman Alison Littell McHose has concocted possibly the best idea yet for blocking terrible “Obamacare” health care refom laws in her state: she will simply write a law sending anyone who tries to uphold the health care law to jail! There, it was that easy! She will just [...]
Fat prick Chris Christie loves “mob humor,” which is why he suggested voters “take the bat” to 76-year-old New Jersey state Sen. Loretta Weinberg. Like so many previous N.J. governors, Christie apparently thinks the office is actually a supporting role on teevee’s The Sopranos, which actually ended its run several years ago. And that’s why [...]
