new study proves it
What better occasion than the nation’s first caucus/primary thing of 2012 to remember that Americans are mouth-breathing idiots. The new Vanity Fair/CBS survey of U.S. dumbness has been released, and it proves that two-thirds of this nation’s adults have no idea that the population of the USA is approximately 300 million people. You didn’t even [...]
The new Vanity Fair/60 Minutes/Dadaist survey is out! What random assortment of inanities will the American People opine on, this time? They would like to vote for Obama over George W. Bush, for one, and they also would like to replace the National Animal, the Bald Eagle, with maybe a Grizzly Bear or a catfish. [...]
It’s time for the greatest scientific barometer of America’s intellect, the Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of dingbat potpourri questions thrown at a representative sample of Americans who haven’t had their phone lines turned off by Verizon yet. What did our pollsters ask this time? To be weird, instead of asking a series of completely random [...]
A shocking new Gallup poll proves that 81% of Americans — an all-time record — are against the American Government, while 82% are against Congress specifically. And 49% of Americans believe the U.S. Government is “an immediate threat to the rights and freedoms of ordinary citizens.” But to read POLITICO, you’d think we’re just in [...]
According to a scientific survey of some people on the Internet somewhere, liberals eat the fanciest of fancy foods — while conservatives literally eat filthy garbage, mostly from fast-food anusburger chains. See if you can tell which meals were far more likely to be enjoyed by left-leaning humanists: coconut curry lamb and rice, fresh fruit, [...]
On the eve of the most important midterm election of the year, the combined cultural powers of teevee’s 60 Minutes and the movie-star magazine Vanity Fair have again delivered a poll that tells us not only what Americans think, but what they are.
Every campaign season in our increasingly retarded nation, potential voters are presented with many important survey and poll battles such as “What celebrity of the moment is better/worse than a completely unrelated government official?” For example: This person Lady Gaga, who seems to be mentioned a lot more than actually heard, could she defeat San [...]
Americans are talking about what’s happening! For example: “Men and women agreed that Jennifer Aniston is the most eligible single woman in the world, with 29 percent of the total votes. Halle Berry received 21 percent, while Elin Nordegren received 15 percent, followed by Betty White (11 percent), Lady Gaga (5 percent), and Elena Kagan [...]
Today’s Dirty Dozen American Primary Election is also the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill’s 50th Day. Did you get BP a present? It’s a testament to the constant spastic churn of the news cycle that this oil disaster already feels really old, like something from last summer or maybe even 2005. But the spill began [...]
Surprise, the teabaggers don’t know what teabaggers are supposed to believe, either. A new CBS poll proves that the majority of teabaggers have no complaints about the amount of taxes they pay. Which kind of makes sense, considering the low rates they pay and the tax cuts they’ve seen this year. Also, Republicans and Democrats [...]
NEW IMPORTANT VANITY FAIR-CBS NEWS SURVEY: “Half of Americans Would Rather Lay a Wreath on Tomb of the Unknown Solider Than Light Olympic Torch or Flip Coin at Super Bowl.” And other Half Would Rather rub Ranch dressing on their Sweatpants. [Vanity Fair]
