new york times
Lie-plagued yuppie lifestyle app The New York Times has a big problem. On the one hand, it wants to have lots of link-bait articles full of lies — anything a politician says, “yoga will kill you,” etc. On the other hand, it has a few nervous-nelly editors wondering whether there is some “market share potential” [...]
Shameful upper-crust real-estate brochure the New York Times is finally sort of covering the famous Occupy Wall Street protests now in their third week. We don’t care, because why is anyone waiting for some old newspaper to publish the news that everybody is making without the permission of the New York Times, right? But still, [...]
Donald Rumsfeld has a lot of old man angst these days, and of course the recent 9/11 anniversary did not help. He was crying in his room listening to the saddest Justin Bieber song there is, when he picked up his New York Times and began to read. He did not like the words that [...]
Congress is still in session for about 60 seconds a day just to do things like pass a resolution extending the funding for the FAA and block recess appointments, both of which are politically important/ newsworthy but neither of which hold much political comedy. But it has been a whole 3 or 4 days without [...]
Well, Meghan McCain loves skull rings and Keith Richards loves skull rings — he kind of did it first — and Keith Richards supposedly snorted up some of his cremated father’s ashes, so of course Meghan McCain is going to actually eat her father’s ribs when he dies. This is in a New York Times [...]
Donald Trump apparently heard the New York Times‘ lovely op-ed columnist Gail Collins wrote something about his birther revolution, and the cartoon rich man’s ears steamed with cartoon anger. “This will not stand!” Trump screamed to his assembled professional-reality-teevee-contestant employees. Trump sent the Times a response. “Some people have focused on Trump’s grammar; I am [...]
America’s last half-assed attempt at a serious newspaper, the New York Times, is rapidly losing the last of its serious op-ed writers. Bob Herbert is the latest to say goodbye, and his final column is devastating. It starts like this: “So here we are pouring shiploads of cash into yet another war, this time in [...]
For some reason, the New York Times employs a weird boy-child who is utterly obsessed with the sex he never gets to have — and this guilt-plagued onanist writes his embarrassing tripe on the op-ed page, where adults are supposed to write about World Events or whatever. (Why do we subscribe to the NYT, again? [...]
Did you notice America’s Greatest Victim getting the NYT “we’re sorry” treatment in Saturday’s paper? Poor little rich boy David Koch is super sad about how the mean poor/working people are upset because he’s funding and directing the destruction of government unions nationwide. This makes him feel bad! And even though the deeply secretive David [...]
Saturday, February 26: Though you may prefer to spend your Saturday nights at a Beer Palace, sequestered in darkness and glazed in booze, there’s nothing wrong with doing something a little bit different this Saturday. Like learning about vaginas, for charity! V-Day D.C. will be performing The Vagina Monologues Saturday at 3PM and again at [...]
Were you worried about the fate of upscale donuts? True, in D.C., they already come topped with bacon, or dipped in gold and stuffed with foie gras and whatnot, but this will not suffice. There is SO much potential for these little round balls of sugar that offer no nutritional value! Are they being served [...]
Screaming radio lunatics agree: Egypt is the go-to place for “epic lolz” right now, what with all the protesters being shot dead in the streets and secret police vans plowing through crowds of unarmed civilians! And what about all those foreign journalists being rounded up? This is also very hilarious, is it not? America’s favorite [...]
Just eat less?: News alert: Because we are a nation of fat slobs, our government would like us to drink less sugar filled poison and stop eating spoonfuls of nitrates, lard and cat litter, even if it tastes good. Which in D.C. translates to, maybe only have bacon covered donuts once a month? The superb [...]
