• IS NORM COLEMAN DEAD YET? Surprisingly, no! He is alive! And he’s doing the most liberal thing since the French Revolution this fall: being a teaching fellow at Harvard. His course will be called, “How To Litigate A Losing Case For Months, Just For The Fuck Of It.” (This is actually the topic of every corporate law course offered at Harvard.) On a side note, one of Coleman’s fellow fellows at Harvard this fall will be Ms. Peggington Noonington. More on her in a bit… [CNN]

The newly installed stooge/senator from Minnesota, veteran circus performer Al Franken, had to wait, what, eight months to assume office? And during that time he frittered away many an hour in court, wasting the People’s Money on the frivolous lawsuit that was eventually decided in his favor. Norm Coleman warned him from the very beginning that The People would not look kindly on this frivolity and wasteful spending! Which is why it’s funny that Minnesota’s Republican Party has had to cut Franken a check for $96,000 to cover lawsuit-related fees. MORE »

Watching this weirdly edited video clip makes us feel like we just downed a coffee mug full of Liquid Vicodin, but perhaps you people will get something deeper, or maybe your heads will explode, just like poor Al Franken’s … or, Senator Al Franken’s head, right? [The Connecticut Forum]

For years now, various people have been begging to take photographs of Arizona’s State Flower MEGHAN McCAIN posing in her girdle. Well now there’s encouraging news for horticulture enthusiasts around the globe! Meghan says she’d totally do it, except poor PAPA JOHN would probably crash another plane into VIETNAM, if he ever found out. MORE »

It’s almost like they had this campaign-money solicitation prepared even before Norm Coleman conceded!

“ST. PAUL, Minn. – Republican Norm Coleman conceded to Democrat Al Franken in Minnesota’s contested Senate race on Tuesday, ending a nearly eight-month recount and court fight over an election decided by only a few hundred votes.” [AP]

Nearly a year ago, in a faraway land called “Minnesota Nice,” two Patriotic Jews fought an epic battle, if by “fought” you mean “people who were already going to vote for president also voted for one of these dorks (or the Lizard People) running for U.S. Senate.” One of them, the rich Hollywood liberal from Minneapolis, wasn’t anybody’s idea of a prize, but he beat the other guy, some kind of lamer from St. Paul. And that other guy, Norm Coleman, who always loses every campaign, just would not give up, because if he admitted defeat then Barack Obama would have 60 Democrats in the Senate and, well, let’s just say it will be “Good-bye Christianity and Hello Women’s Studies & the Hip Hop.” Anyway, the state Supreme Court says Franken won, the end. [Star Tribune]

The 2008 Minnesota Senate race is still going strong, nearly eight months later. What comical new developments can we enjoy together? Oh, how about this, from the Star-Tribune: “A three-judge panel today required Republican Norm Coleman to pay Democrat Al Franken $94,783 to cover court costs …. Coleman will also have to pay interest on the $94,783 until the debt is paid.” And which three judges added further expensive humiliation to Norm’s life of failure? The answer may surprise you! MORE »

Nobody in Minnesota even cares about this dumb recount deal anymore, they would be happy to have as their second senator Jesse Ventura in a tutu and a stocking cap, but Norm Coleman and Al Franken still want “the courts” to decide the election that happened seven months ago: you know, the one that hinges on like fourteen votes because neither candidate was really any more popular than the other. Ugh. MORE »

The number one problem facing everyone in the Republican party right now is that they cannot bring themselves to foot the bill for their own clothing, and this ends them up in terrible scrapes. Like Sarah Palin, the amiable Alaskan parasite whose popularity plunged after it turned out the money-soaked Republican National Committee was paying for all her suddenly tasteful clothes. MORE »

• Obama will spend Memorial Day weekend in Las Vegas with famous Las Vegas Hollywood celebrities like Bette Midler, the inevitable Sheryl Crow, and Harry Reid. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Marginal Vanderbilt/CNN centerfold Anderson Cooper is as unpopular, perhaps more so, than Keith Olbermann re-runs. [Top of the Ticket]
• So, Sarah Palin, having embarrassed herself in I guess every other single way has now taken to picking minor legal battles with CrackHo.com… for… stealing the identity of the State of Alaska. Yes.  [HuffPost]
• Barack Obama has knighted all members of the UNC basketball team as thanks for not making his March Madness bracket a terrible embarrassment. [The Caucus]
• Increasingly non-Senator Norm Coleman would like to be reimbursed for money he spent paying his lawyers to do nothing. [TPM]