old people
Two fine young British ladies have taken it upon themselves to make a fun music video in which they spit hot rhymes about Dave Cameron, the Tory-man who is running for the position of Queen. (They also maliciously refer to Cameron as “DC,” which apparently is not an insulting name to call someone in Great [...]
Republican senators all want ancient Robert Byrd to DIE before Christmas Eve, so he can’t vote for Health Care Reform — this is not a jokey exaggeration, but documented fact. Democrats, on the other hand, just want Americans to honor Byrd’s half a century in the Senate by remembering his many legislative maneuvers and triumphs [...]
Ha ha, those old people had to stay at work until 1 a.m. this morning after being stuck in the smelly old Senate for the entire snowbound weekend, and now Health Care Reform is just another three 60-vote procedural operations from becoming a real true Senate law the House can screw up. YIPPEE!
Strife among the Olds! The principal actor in this particular Olds Drama, as in all Olds Dramas, is the elderly peacebomber John McCain, who is something like 87 years old. Standing opposite John McCain is the corrupt League of Olds, the AARP. Once friends, now foes, after the AARP recently *ruined everything* by endorsing ObamaCare, [...]
Everyone very loudly but gently say “congratulations” to Sen. Robert Byrd, who became the longest-serving lawmaker in the history of Congress today. He’s like, “I look forward to serving you for the next 56 years and 320 days,” which is very gracious! Here’s this video of Robert Byrd playing the ancient instrument of “fiddle” back [...]
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), a vestigial structure in the American political apparatus dating back to old times when people “stopped working” at a certain age and lived off of pensions (nowadays it’s more common to work forever, after Wall Street loots your life savings from the 401(k) it pushed you into), will [...]
Ha ha, we love it when situations call for WALNUTS! to become the voice of reason. Here is the exact question that this old lady, let’s call her “Medicare & Social Security Teat-Suckler #1,” poses to the Man Who Would Be President: “I would like to know how the president is getting by with all [...]
Getting tired of THIS STUFF, aren’t you? Well, suck it up. At this point, we want to pressure Obama and Congress to incorporate as much rationing and Death Paneling as possible into a final health care bill, with very loose criteria. You’re eligible for Medicare, human? KILL. This will be the single determining criterion. It [...]
RNC chairman Michael Steele — the “Republican Barack Obama,” because he is black — took to the pages of local war & murder digest The Washington Post yesterday to argue for “Seniors’ Bill of Rights” that included ten provisions reading, “Get Your Government Hands Off My Medicare And Guns.” It promised NO CUTS EVER in [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon It has come to our attention here at Cartoon Violence that many of you do not understand the difficult-to-understand details of the multiple mutually contradictory Obamacare plans currently weaving their way through the opaque, byzantine legislative process! This makes it more likely that you’ll fall for one of the terrible lies [...]
Here we have a pretty normal news analysis of Joe Biden: he’s described as frank but endearing, a clown but a statesman, maybe less visible than other Obama staffers but nonetheless a valued member of the team, etc etc… SNOOZE. But! “Aides said he might go for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2016. He would [...]
Well, it appears we have an answer to this morning’s burning question. The answer is: violent, insane mobs have overtaken every single political forum in the country — including one held at Brooklyn seniors’ center, where Rep. Anthony Weiner was nearly eated alive by a churlish group of anti-Communist mummies.
PREHISTORIC SPECIMEN CONFINED TO HOSPITAL: Ancient Robert Byrd is in the hospital battling a staph infection, which is precisely the sort of infection that old people tend to pick up in hospitals. SOMEBODY GET HIM OUT OF THAT SWAMP OF GERMS. P.S.: He is so very old. [Roll Call]
