A Wonkette airport ATM-monitoring operative ran into profound Sen. David Vitter last night at Reagan National, and they even shared a flight! HE SHOULD BE READING THE BILL THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. Not only did he withdraw cash from an ATM — he probably changed his mind in the heat of the moment and did want the extra kinky stuff, which ain’t cheap — but our operative claims he threw another of his trademark airport fits: “LOL…he is so seriously harassing a gate person.. the flight is 2 hours late….LOL…wait, no!!! he disappeared…damnit.” Exactly.

Now that the House is debating the Republican health care alternative, the sweeping “BonerCare” of ancient lore, it’s a good opportunity to share this amazing (and ominous — mostly ominous!) photograph from commenter “mollymcguire,” who actually lives in the Northern Marianas, as a sex slave who is currently getting railed by Tom DeLay or whatever in the back of this Jeep with the Truck Nutz. After BonerCare passes both the House and Senate 535-0 — as expected within the next few minutes — the streets of Saipan shall be rife with Truck Nutz.

Wonkette motorist operative “Marcus” sent us this telephone picture of the rather uncouth car he was stuck behind yesterday, during the Super Bowl of Retardation. This fellow hates Obama so much that he — and we’re presuming “he,” because how unladylike! — chose to attach a massive cut-out of a donkey shitting Obama’s head on his rear windshield, at the expense of his visibility. Another sticker reads, “King’s Dream is a Nightmare.” Oh that silly Martin Luther King Jr., always ripe for a joke. After the jump, another wacky leftover operative photo, from a Hill office. MORE »

Operative “Randy C,” of fleeting Halloween costume Internet fame, has graciously donated his “pubic option” poster to the teabaggers. Is that pastor taking a shine to it? Meanwhile, another Hill operative reports on an overheard conversation between two members of the mobilizing force: MORE »

A second-degree operative sends this photo and writes, “My cousin is a congressional staffer, I got sent this picture outside the capitol building today…” So we know that THE TRUTH TRUCK is in town for the Super Bowl of Retardation, and now it is barreling down the halls of Rayburn, crushin’ skulls.

• HILL OPERATIVES, WE NEED YOU: Much as we’d love to visit the Super Bowl of Retardation this afternoon, we are somewhat low on regular staff these days (have you noticed?) and someone must be “at the desk.” Operatives, this is your time to shine! Tips@wonkette.com! Send photos of Rand Paul breaking into your boss’s office! And if you send e-mails like, “I can see the west lawn of the Capitol from my window, and the entire lawn is full of tea partiers,” maybe attach a photograph.

Wonkette operative “Jeff E.” sends this photo from outside his office in Fat Cat rich person land, 17th Street between K and I. We all know who’s behind that wheel. Will no one tell Alan Grayson to stop pulling these stunts?

Wonkette ideas-man operative “Jason” sends this video and writes, “A friend of mine works at WNYC and the staff have been sharing this AWESOME clip of Blago pathetically fiddling with a pair of headphones. Let’s all point and laugh at him.” Good idea. Ha ha ha ha, look at this guy! WHAT IS HE EVEN DOING? [YouTube]

So very many of you friendly bored people responded to our solicitation for animated .gifs of Nancy Pelosi looking horror-struck at Joe Wilson’s “YOU LIE” outburst, so we will just post them all! Every submitter, as promised, will get to make out with/finger-bang Intern Riley for five minutes in a closet of your choice. (Just e-mail him to set up a time. If he turns down any of you, he will be fired.) MORE »

We’ve all been feeling so proud of our nation after hearing yesterday’s news about the insane, bloody war — like real-life, actual War, with guns and troops and Prussians and shit — scheduled for St. Louis today, between the unions and the people who should be in unions but aren’t and therefore hate unions. So, what was the BODY COUNT? Brave operative “Nick B.” brings us the whole, sad story: “My two friends and I were the ONLY people counter-protesting at the wingnut SEIU protest in St. Louis today, and I thought I might share what went down. The SEIU office is just a few blocks away, so we made some signs with posterboard and headed down, assuming that there would be others like us. But when we got there it was just a crowd of 150 or so with ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ signs (which fooled us at first, since they’re the same colors as SEIU has), with people on both sides of the street.” Click the clicky to see whether “Nick” survived, or e-mailed us his report from Hell. MORE »

Whatever this is, it sure looks educational. Write your own context! Or just read what our Hill operative sent us, which still does not truly explain why this nut is ranting about AIG bonuses next to a picture that racist slob from teevee. MORE »