An update on the DOOR-KNOCKING TERROR IN THE SKY: The man, Rageh Almurisi, 28, may have thought it was a rest room. “He’s not a terrorist, trust me,” said his cousin Rageh Almoraissi, 29, who owns a store in Vallejo, Calif. “You don’t knock on a door as a terrorist act. I think it was [...]
Thanksgiving is an annual holiday of touching people’s genitals to celebrate the miracle of flight, so here’s a video that’s emerged of Rep. John Conyers of Detroit looking at a copy of Playboy on an airplane. And through the power of journalism, we know what pages the Judiciary Committee chairman cross-examined.
An annoying child on a Southwest Airlines flight from Burbank to Phoenix was rummaging around in a seat pocket and knocked a loaded gun magazine onto the floor. Hooray! Thank God we have those kajillion-dollar voyeur tubes to save us from weapons appearing on our airplanes! Flight attendants were given the clip, and when the [...]
In the closing days, it’s time for Joe Miller to warm up the voters with his compassionate beard hairs, so in a local teevee interview, he reveals that he was teased incessantly in school because he stupidly fell face-first onto the floor one time and busted up his lip. “It had a pretty significant impact [...]
And you thought it was hard being an old person! Imagine being an innocent jet, of either the fighter or the passenger variety. You would be completely penniless, thanks to a pack of flightless bipeds in the United States Congress.
MAYBE JUST STOP FLYING ON PLANES FOR A WHILE: “A passenger plane carrying 168 people smashed into the ground in northwestern Iran Wednesday, killing everyone on board and creating a huge smoldering crater.” [CNN]
JESUS CHRIST Republicans get away with everything when it comes to Warring, hmm? Barack Obama and Bob Gates raised defense spending by 4%, or $20 billion, for the new budget, but made cuts to missile defense programs — that would exist only so Sarah Palin could pretend that she’s shooting down Putin’s flying dick from [...]
Yesterday, Barack Obama almost died in a fiery plane crash above lovely St. Louis, and you know what, it’s his own fault. Thought experiment: imagine you are a Jew. If, as a Jew, you are borrowing a car, you wouldn’t borrow it from Adolf Hitler, right? It would probably have a bomb set to the [...]
He’s got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama’s plane, a rickety old hackjob called an “MD-80 Midwest charter,” was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte — it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make [...]
How did Hillary Clinton, who’s been locked in her Washington home on a barbiturate bender for the last 48 hours with the press clamoring at the gates, and Barack Obama, who commands an even larger, consolidated national press corps now, manage to meet privately (for hot bottled water) at that senator gal’s house last night? [...]
