By the Comics CurmudgeonGenerally speaking, most Americans can barely be bothered to vote during important elections — you know, the ones with years divisible by four! It’s even harder getting them off of their Dorito-stained couches to cast their ballots when it’s a year that’s an even number that isn’t divisible by four, and when [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonDo you remember ’round about a year ago when it was all “hope and change” this and “yes we can” that, and everything was going to be fixed, forever? Ha ha! Obviously all of our problems are intractable and terrible and nobody can fix them, no matter how nice his teeth are. [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonHello, readers, and welcome to a very special Carton Violence, in which we will turn our eyes away from the foul nightmare that is the editorial pages, and to the innocent, carefree comics pages, which are probably in the back of the section with the TV listings in your local paper! (Ha [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonWhat is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I’d have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.” Because our dying media establishment is still clinging to antiquated [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonAmerica might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonDid you know that no object in the universe is entirely unique? It’s true! Many things, it turns out, look like other things. Sometimes things don’t look like other things, but they’re like other things, at their essence, in what we call a “metaphor.” Sometimes you see a thing and you think, [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonIf Carl Jung were alive today, he’d see political cartoons as a shortcut into our collective subconscious. Those brave few Americans who continue to read newspapers have the honor or seeing the darkest, foulest recesses of the human mind barfed out daily onto editorial pages everywhere. In order to fulfill their appointed [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonHey, you know what, America: I want this health care dealio over with as soon as you do. Not because I care about my own or anyone else’s health, mind you; I am just tired of all the cartoons being churned out about it, when there could be cartoons churned out about [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon The September 11 attacks were terrible for any number of reasons, with the exploding and the wars and the death, and so it’s obviously petty to bitch about the many terrible cartoons they spawned, with the Statue of Liberty, crying, but when it’s your JOB to think about cartoons, as it [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonIf there is one thing guaranteed to enrage America’s arbiter of good taste, it is making any kind of snide remark about Ted Kennedy when he is ill or, in the current case, dead. Naturally, this rule has been flouted relentlessly for the past two days by the crassest, most awful people [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon It has come to our attention here at Cartoon Violence that many of you do not understand the difficult-to-understand details of the multiple mutually contradictory Obamacare plans currently weaving their way through the opaque, byzantine legislative process! This makes it more likely that you’ll fall for one of the terrible lies [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonIt’s absolutely true that politicians are, by and large, hideously ugly. So, if you’re going to get into the political cartooning game, you’re going to have to learn to enjoy inking the minute details of the sagging face-flesh, the terrible combovers, the faces ravaged by decades-old acne scars, the paunches ill-contained by [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon People, have you seen the famous terrible violent movie this summer, where the Batman is yelling angrily at the robots who became sentient and killed us all? And then also the other similarly terrible movies about the robots that are also cars, and also self-aware? Well, what if something like that [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon There is a certain class of American who cares nothing about the tales of economic carnage that fill our newspapers day after day. I’m talking, of course, about editorial cartoonists, whose jobs are basically guaranteed, and whose pay makes possible a lifestyle that makes AIG vice presidents look like starving hobos [...]
