WASHINGTON, DC, 07:11 AM, SUN NOVEMBER 8 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘daily briefing’

Next »
DAILY BRIEFING

Everything About Death And Violence And Then One Thing About Jay-Z

Friday, November 6th, 2009
  • Total body count was 13—with another 30 injured—at Ft. Hood yesterday. The gunman survived after being shot four times. [New York Times]
  • Speaking of the gunman, Army psychiatrist,  Maj. Nidal M. Hasan, here is a lengthy biographical portrait. [Washington Post]
  • An important Afghan governor and his militia and their rocket launchers are challenging the legitimacy of new president Hamid Karzai.  [WSJ]
  • British PM Gordon Brown—and his soldiers and their implied rocket launchers—also threatened Afghanistan to just, you know, it’s enough already with the corruption. [AP]
  • The Pakistani Army invaded a Taliban alcove in lawless, mountainy South Waziristan, presumably also a stop on Sarah Palin’s book tour. [Reuters]
  • So apparently a giant wall (of symbolism?) was blocking everyone’s view at the Jay-Z/Beyonce/U2 performance at the Brandenburg Gate at last night’s fall-of-the-Berlin-Wall-themed concert. [Daily Mail]

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 79 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

At Least Everyone Can Agree It Will Be Nice To Have Football On At Bars Again!

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
  • Last night the Yankees baseball team won the competition that determines the best baseball team of all the other baseball teams! [New York Times]
  • 600 UN staffers in Afghanistan will leave the country for a few weeks while the UN works to find them housing that will be harder to blow up. [Washington Post]
  • Hurricane Ida is currently in the midst of hitting Nicaragua. It’s expected to bring with it 25 inches of rain, mudslides, all the tradition hurricane accoutrement, etc. [CNN]
  • Exxon Mobil and Shell have won the World Series of receiving the rights to oil fields in southern Iraq! The Phillies did not win this either. [WSJ]
  • Cash bonuses on Wall Street will be up 40% this year. [Reuters]
  • Later this week, Toyota will be sending out a drivers’ mat recall, as the acceleration pedal can get caught in drivers’ mats in certain models. [Los Angeles Times]

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 42 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

The Morning After, In Which We See The Winners And Losers By The Light Of Day

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
  • Yesterday happened! Recall its winners: Bloomberg, Owens, Christie, various Others. [New York Times]
  • It was also yesterday in Virgina too, where Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds and is therefore the state’s new governor. [Washington Post]
  • The state of Maine poured rock salt on gay marriage and voted to up the medical marijuana usage. [WSJ]
  • Today is the 30th anniversary of the US Embassy takeover/hostage thing in Tehran, but if today’s mass demonstrations showed anything, it’s that people don’t even need any hostages to yell about hating America. [CNN]
  • Bernanke and Friends are likely to decline raising the interest rate. [AP]
  • An Afghan soldier literally went rogue and just cold killed five British soldiers with a machine gun inside a police checkpoint. No cheeky Nation polemic is expected to follow. [Times Online]

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 57 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All*! (*Re: Some)

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
  • Happy Election Day! Today Chris Christie could lose more than just weight, though really, he could lose some weight. [New York Times]
  • Political capital, political capital Obama Corzine political politics-word capital. [AP]
  • The North Korean Army has taken control of the economy, the country’s food supply, their natural resources, etc. [Washington Post]
  • President of Irony (!!) Hamid Karzai—who, you’ll recall, won Afghanistan’s presidential election without even definitely receiving more votes than his opponent—is suddenly so concerned about corruption. Classic projection is what this is. [CNN]
  • Two of Britain’s biggest banks—think: about the size of any random American ATMs, like right?—agreed to withhold executive bonuses in exchange for $40 billion “pounds.” (This is one of Corzine’s famous Christie Fatjokes.) [Times Online]
  • Hillary Clinton has been really going the extra mile lately in terms of trying to convince all Muslims on Earth to refrain from hating her. [Reuters]

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 43 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Hamid Karzai Is Declared President—But Was He Even Born In America??

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
  • After very possibly receiving fewer votes than his opponent, Hamid Karzai has won the presidential election of Afghanistan! [New York Times]
  • Ford earned $1 billion in the third quarter and people are now thinking the company could be profitable by 2011. [Washington Post]
  • Yesterday some American guy—originally from Eritrea, but still totally counts—won the New York City Marathon, which is the first time that’s happened since 1982. [CNN]
  • A suicide bomber killed 30-ish people outside a bank in Pakistan, most of whom used to have something or other to do with the military. [AP]
  • The New York Yankees baseball team has won another go-round in the baseball tournament, and look at this biased coverage from the New York Post. [New York Post]
  • Everyone who’s anyone in the Arab world just despises Hillary Clinton. [Reuters]

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Top-Secret Congressional Ethics Thing Found On Public Network And Emailed To Washington Post

Friday, October 30th, 2009
  • Someone accidentally left a document detailing ongoing Congressional ethics violations investigations on a public computer network. The Word paperclip would have advised against this. [Washington Post]
  • The deposed president of Honduras has been temporarily undeposed by the de facto government. Legitimacy has been totally restored to government there, clearly. [New York Times]
  • The Philadelphia-based (and Boston-based, for that matter) sports enthusiasts did not enjoy last night nearly as much as they did Wednesday night. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
  • This Russian tycoon who was forbidden from visiting the US apparently came here twice last year as the personal secret guest of the FBI. [WSJ]
  • A Coast Guard plane and a Marine helicopter crashed into each other off the coast of California this morning. Despite this being the exact fantasy of every toy-owning toddler, rescue authorities are concerned.  [AP]
  • Rhymey former French president Jacques Chirac will be stand trial for corruption and defend some corrupt-seeming things he did while mayor of Paris. [Times Online]

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Boy, What A Thrilling/Excruciating Athletics Event On Teevee At The Local Baseball Pub Last Night!

Thursday, October 29th, 2009
  • Last night’s baseball match went smashingly/terribly—depending on whether you were in a sports bar with mostly blue decorations or mostly red ones. [Reuters]
  • Ahmadinejad implied that Iran would do everyone a favor and would indeed be enriching its uranium elsewhere. [New York Times]
  • There’s not enough Tamiflu for all America’s children, which means Obama will have no choice but to murder off what’s left of all the vaccineless ones. [Washington Post]
  • The Golden Gate Bay Bridge will be closed again today while engineers continue to make sure that it’s definitely, like 100% not going to randomly collapse. [CNN]
  • Obama spent the morning in Dover, Delaware, honoring fallen troops who were recently killed in Afghanistan. [AP]
  • The incompetence deepens: the FAA did not give the military a heads up so quickly after that commercial airliner and its unresponsive pilots went AWOL last week. [WSJ]

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 42 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Please No One Do A ‘Hilarious Topical Political Costume’ And Dress Up As Hamid Karzai’s CIA-Informant Brother

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
  • Hamid Karzai’s brother, a prominent opium dealer (!), has been receiving CIA paychecks for eight years. He will now be fired and replaced by a teenager and an iPhone app. Recession!  [New York Times]
  • A car bomb killed 86 people in Peshawar a couple hours after Hillary Clinton left Peshawar. [AP]
  • At least six UN-related people died in a bombing in Kabul. Predictably, the Taliban has claimed responsibility, for such is their schtick. [Washington Post]
  • Those pilots who appeared to have totally forgotten to land the plane for an entire hour after they were supposed to have done so have lost their licenses. [CNN]
  • “Consumer confidence”—evidently an actual metric and not something people just say—is up for the first time since 2007. [Reuters]
  • It’s looking like Iran might outsource its uranium enrichment needs, which is exactly what Obama wanted. [Reuters]

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 32 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Former AIG Head Maurice R. Greenberg Is Up To His Old Tricks—Because He Is 84 Years Old, See?

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
  • Maurice R. Greenberg, the impossibly geriatric former head of AIG, has been quietly luring young, unsuspecting insurance execs to his new firm. [New York Times]
  • Harry Reid promised out loud that the new health care bill will have a public option, which means it actually might! [Washington Post]
  • Like half an hour ago, NASA sent the the largest rocket ever (327 ft.) into space. The moon was unharmed. [CNN]
  • Starting nowish, a Senate committee will meet for the next three days in order to figure out some tenable clean energy initiatives. It’s bipartisan, because look: Lamar Alexander! [Reuters]
  • Over the last three days, 700 adults were arrested in sweeping sex-with-children raids that spanned 36 cities. [Los Angeles Times]
  • The Somali pirates not only continue to exist if everyone pretty much ignores them, they also apparently continue to kidnap British people. [Times Online]

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 40 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Some Northeast Athletic Clubs Will Compete In Rio 2016 Olympics Of Baseball

Monday, October 26th, 2009
  • Your 2009 World Series will feature the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, two popular Northeast athletics organizations. USA! [New York Times]
  • Baghdad had another suicide bombing: 132 people died, which is the most all at once since 2007. [Washington Post]
  • The new new new health care bill will be submitted to the CBO as early as right now, or possibly even earlier this morning! [WSJ]
  • “Tony Blair” is a name that’s being thrown about to be the new president of the EU. Michael Sheen is already prepared for this. [Times Online]
  • College’s favorite singer, Morrissey, is A-OK after his collapse on a stage in London sometime a couple days ago. [CNN]
  • Wall Street money financial fatcats would like to maintain their huge bonus system, duh and thank you. [Reuters]

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 44 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

So That Commercial Jet With Unresponsive Pilots Flying Right Past The Airport? Worst Deja Vu Ever Basically

Friday, October 23rd, 2009
  • Unpopular elected official Harry Reid is just all about including the public option on the new health care bill. [New York Times]
  • John Kerry is so busy and fulfilled chairing the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that he totally doesn’t even have time to think about 2004. [Washington Post]
  • A team of pilots flying a commercial airliner overshot their destination, the Minneapolis airport, by 150 miles yesterday. The FAA first blamed terrorism but is now blaming sleep, the terrorism of trying to stay awake at work. [CNN]
  • Legislation stating that violence against gay people is, legally-speaking, a hate crime is THISCLOSE to becoming law. All Obama has to do is sign the dotted line, which he will. [Los Angeles Times]
  • Barry is trying to convince Iran to fulfill all its uranium enrichment needs overseas somewhere. Iran is trying to cultivate an arsenal of nuclear weapons. These things may be mutually exclusive! [AP]
  • Britain is still in the midst of its own recession. Ehh, and everyone though the third quarter was going to be the turnaround one for the economy over there. Alas. [Reuters]

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Wonkette | 38 Comments »

Next page »