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Posts Tagged ‘daily briefing’

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DAILY BRIEFING

Thank You, Friends, Wouldn’t Be Here If It Wasn’t for You

Friday, November 27th, 2009
  • The Obama Thanksgiving menu featured turkey and pie — or, even scarier, some kind of Kenyan-socialist hybrid pumpkin pie made of turkey. “The President’s favorite is turkey and pumpkin pie,” the White House said in a statement. Gross. [Chicago Sun-Times]
  • And those bankrupt losers who crashed the White House state dinner? Wannabe reality-teevee people, obviously. Their story has become the DC version of Bubble Balloon Boy, minus the cute/doomed child. [New York Times]
  • Dubai is about to default on 60-odd billion dollars in debt, whoops. Asian and European markets are collapsing, and the U.S. markets might be doing the same thing today. So much for “Do Buy.” [Bloomberg]
  • Actual AP headline: “Americans give thanks, see parades, feast in space.” It’s just missing “in equal numbers.” [Associated Press]
  • Sarah Palin enjoyed Thanksgiving with her relatives in the Tri-Cities area of Washington state, next to the Hanford nuclear waste site. This is the first “regular American” thing she’s done in 15 years — but then she called the place “surreal,” which it is, but still. [Seattle Times]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Something Flickered For a Minute, Then It Vanished and Was Gone

Thursday, November 26th, 2009
  • Happy Thanksgiving? Not for the Indians, who are anti-celebrating the Mumbai terrorist attacks of one year ago. [BBC]
  • Most people try to sneak out of White House state dinners, but these two weirdos snuck in. [Reliable Source/NYT]
  • The U.S. economy should recover in, oh, maybe five years? Maybe more? Who cares, because by then we’ll all have been eaten by those cannibals from The Road. [Associated Press]
  • Oh yeah and we are all DOOMED because the U.S. dollar plunged in value (again) while you were sleeping, and now it’s worth about half a bite of spit-out California Roll. [Bloomberg]
  • Let’s all hope the Space Shuttle lands safely tomorrow morning, because Jesus Christ, how much more can anybody really take? [Gannett]
  • If you didn’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving, it’s either because a) you’re broke, like everybody else, or b) you just hate your awful family. [MSNBC]
  • Important informational website WikiLeaks published half-a-million text messages from September 11, 2001. From the banal to the heartbreaking, the whole massive bummer information trove is enough to make you skip dinner today and just go sit in the yard, crying. [Guardian/WikiLeaks]
  • But, still, happy thanksgiving! Really! MORE »

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Posted in Wonkette | 53 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Obama Simply Does Not Care For The More Popular Plans Re: Afghanistan

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
  • Obama will send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, which is a popular idea with absolutely no one besides Barack Obama. [New York Times]
  • Full “first state dinner coverage” at the Washington Post! The piece contains no fewer than two (2) Sorkin references and descriptions of at least ten (10) fancy-sounding things. [Washington Post]
  • The Ft. Hood military base will have tighter security and better mental health treatment programs. All of this seems logical. [CNN]
  • People are actually buying homes again, some of which they may even be able to afford. [AP]
  • Airlines will now be fined for stranding passengers. Airlines, you’ll recall, have neither the infrastructure to run smoothly, nor the money to pay the fine. [WSJ]
  • New documents reveal that Tony Blair for sure knew that there were no WMDs in Iraq.  [Times Online]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Conservatives Team Up With ACLU To Take On ‘Big Supreme Court’

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
  • Not content with hating, on principle, the executive and legislative branches of government, conservatives now find America’s court system not to their taste either really. [New York Times]
  • Some environmental people do not despise nuclear energy anymore mostly because the technology has gotten a lot safer and partly because at this point what choice do they have? [Washington Post]
  • Nidal Hasan is awake, paralyzed from the chest down, and still in the hospital, which everyone is trying to make seem as much like a jail as possible. [WSJ]
  • Tonight fancy Obama is holding his first state dinner ever in honor of Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s visit! [CNN]
  • Next couple days will see Obama’s decision about how many troops to send to Afghanistan. [Reuters]
  • Strike-thru yesterday’s story about 31 Filipino hostages dying; hillside mass grave discovery means that 46 is now the correct number. [AP]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Our Federal Government Is Rich… With Irony! Ho Ho

Monday, November 23rd, 2009
  • The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times]
  • Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post]
  • Short-term radiation leak at Three Mile Island this weekend! Pennsylvania is nuclear-capable, which means serious thought must be given to bombing it. [CNN]
  • 21 Filipino hostages, including the wife of a guy running for governor, were killed after a rival political gang hijacked their convoy. [AP]
  • The Brazilian President invited Ahmadinejad to Brazil, which is something the US might be mad about even though Ahmadinejad goes to New York like constantly. [LA Times]
  • Here is the theme of today’s copy of the Internet: this MTV person had a totes scandalous performance on the teenager show. Everyone please hope Andrew Sullivan proves Bristol Palin is a hologram. [MTV News]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Oprah Is Canceling ‘Oprah’!; Congress THISCLOSE To Asking Oprah To Cancel Barack Obama!

Friday, November 20th, 2009
  • New controversial medical study ensures that cervical cancer will be the breast cancer of next week. One more’s a trendpiece! [New York Times]
  • Members of Congress were very busy and shouty last night in trying to decide who they hated more: Obama or Geithner… [Washington Post]
  • …while Catholic bishops easily picked Obama. [AP]
  • Please do let the nebbishy hypochondriacs in your life know about the Vicks nasal spray recall. Or actually don’t. [CNN]
  • Oprah the Human is self-canceling Oprah the Show in September 2011 so she can work on her own cable teevee station side-project. [WSJ]
  • US citizens will probably not be allowed to visit Cuba again after all. By and large this should come as a huge relief to any Cuban familiar with American spring break cultural practices.. [The Hill]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Presenting The Senate’s Compromisey $849 Billion Health Care Bill

Thursday, November 19th, 2009
  • Meet Harry Reid & the Senate’s Health Care Bill: $849 billion, 2,074 pages, no insurance for abortions or illegal immigrants, other characteristics, etc. [CNN]
  • Despite really maxing out every copy editor’s patience with the word “contentious,” Hamid Karzai was sworn-in for another five-year term as President of Afghanistan.  [New York Times]
  • Eric Holder took questions from 9/11 families about KSM’s trip to New York. [Washington Post]
  • Obama wants to do a free-trade deal with South Korea. Give it a week after this thing goes through that “SKaFTA” is not the name of some 16-year-old’s Bouncing Souls cover band. [WSJ]
  • Quarantining people isn’t doing much to stop swine flu from killing us all to death. [AP]
  • Ireland will not be granted that Fifa World Cup playoff rematch, no matter how unfair the Irish justice minister thinks that handball thing was. [Guardian]

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Posted in Wonkette | 30 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Gitmo-As-We-Know-It Will Officially Span Two Decades

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
  • A lot of gynecologists and other lady and/or oncological doctors disagree completely with yesterday’s new things about mammography announcement. [New York Times]
  • Obama admitted that Gitmo is not going to close by January. This makes keeping his promise to close Gitmo by January a considerably tenuous one. [Washington Post]
  • Between fraud and anything having to do with Recovery.gov and cleverer types of fraud, the federal government managed to accidentally overpay $98 billion dollars last fiscal year. [CNN]
  • The Somali pirates are like obsessed with this one US-flagged cargo ship, which they just attacked for the second time in seven months. Creepy. [AP]
  • Obama’s admiration of the Great Wall of China can be seen from space. [WSJ]
  • Meet Vaira Vike-Freiberga. Alias: VVF. Pedigree: Twice former president of Latvia. She is this lady running for president of Europe and she is so dope—read all of this: [Times Online]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Obama Continues To Do Things In China, All This Week

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
  • Obama and Chinese president Hu Jintao had the best conversation ever, according to the brief, detail-less talking points Obama gave to reporters right afterward. [New York Times]
  • If you are a lady over 40 and/or a lady over 50, there have been important changes re: scheduling your no-longer-annual mammogram! [Washington Post]
  • Obama says that he and Russian president Dmitry “Vladimir Putin” Medvedev are THISCLOSE to drafting a new nuclear nonproliferation treaty. [The Hill]
  • The nuisancey and frankly a bit boring Somali Pirates obnoxiously and predictably seized a chemical tanker and its North Korean crew off the coast of Seychelles. [CNN]
  • Non-Bill Gates Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen began a course of chemo for his non-Hodgkins lymphoma. [WSJ]
  • The UN and Iran have been having secret meetings, at which everyone whispered secret suggestions during a dramatic game of telephone about how Iranians can keep enriching uranium but only if they’re friendly to weapons inspectors. [Times Online]

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Posted in Wonkette | 24 Comments »

DAILY BRIEFING

Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad

Monday, November 16th, 2009
  • Obama told Chinese teenagers about the uncensored Internet, a mediocre collection of re-purposed AP articles and some videos that generally people only like when it’s not available.  [New York Times]
  • Over at some United Nations summit, everyone bonded about how much they hate hunger but declined to throw any money at the problem. [AP]
  • Starting in January, GM will start giving the US $1 billion per quarter to pay off the company’s debt. [Washington Post]
  • Late Friday, when no one was paying attention, Robert Gates whispered in the Supreme Court’s ear that the Pentagon is forbidding the release of those US military-terror suspect photos. [CNN]
  • Some Democrats are working on a bill that would compensate everyone whose hours were cut so their companies wouldn’t go out of business immediately. Wonkette Games: what will Democrats and Republicans do to convince everyone on Earth to hate this idea in just a few weeks? [The Hill]
  • Palestinians might ask the UN for their own state because they are very frustrated with the US, Israel, and not having their own state. [WSJ]

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DAILY BRIEFING

Barack Obama Goes To Asia, Where Everyone Is Very Mad At Him

Friday, November 13th, 2009
  • Barack Obama sent himself to Asia to convince everyone over there that he is not distracted or whatever by various goings-on in Afghanistan and Iraq. [New York Times]
  • Say farewell to the White House’s rhyming general counsel, Gregory Craig, who is quitting his job today. [Washington Post]
  • Nidal Hasan will probably face the death penalty. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Ten people died when a suicide bomber bombed a spy agency in Pakistan to death. [AP]
  • If Obama goes to Copenhagen for a big climate change summit later this month, everyone will believe him when he says he cares about reducing carbon emissions and the like. [The Hill]
  • Turns out when the US gives money directly to villages in Afghanistan—as opposed to the central government—the money ends up in the hands of people not in the central government. [New York Times]

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