pt daily briefing
America’s economy has expanded for the first time in four quarters, presumably by exchanging the four quarters in for a dollar. [AP] An online anthology of song lyrics that do not quite merit away message status—”Twitter”—is America’s only successful business. [Reuters] Here is a linguistic Venn Diagram about the differences, similarities, and overlapping too-small-to-write-in sliver [...]
Afghan President Hamid Karzai is furious on the outside, feelings-hurt on the inside that the US and the UN considered just cold replacing him with someone else during the fraudulent election of his own design a few months back. [New York Times] Citigroup will not foreclose or evict anything or anything for the next 30 [...]
Illinois’ Thomson Correctional Facility, 150 miles outside of Chicago, has won all the Guantanamo detainees! Thomson can choose to receive the prisoners in a lump sum or in installments paid out over the next forty years. [Washington Post] China will not let any other country keep tabs on its carbon emissions, which is a thing [...]
The President of the United States went to Norway to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. This is the most controversial thing that has ever happened. [New York Times] Meet our nation’s next hated thing: it is “Ginnie Mae,” the absolutely terrifying-sounding Government National Mortgage Association. [Washington Post] Defense Secretary Robert Gates is currently touring Iraq [...]
America is very serious capital S serious about the Pakistanis doing away with all of Pakistan’s Taliban. [New York Times] Obama’s new thing is going to be unemployment. This, in fact, is many people’s new thing. [Washington Post] It’s looking like an American, Chicago born was instrumental in the Mumbai hotel bombings last year. A [...]
Sarah Palin is now a birther! Her make-believe campaign against Barack Obama will now focus on his Kenyan-Communist Birth Certificate, because Andrew Sullivan wants to see Trig’s paperwork. [Ben Smith] White House dinner crasher/perpetual bore Michaele Salahi also pretended to be a … hang on, looking it up again … yes, a retired Washington Redskins [...]
Bank of America is rushing to pay back its outstanding TARP loans so it can free itself of executive compensation restrictions and pay a new crop of monstrous assholes comical sums of cash to ruin the world again. Something needs tweaking? [NYT] Basically we have to nuke India a few times to get the Pakistanis [...]
Obama announced the new U.S. plan for Afghanistan — a 30,000-troop surge on the, er, way out of the country — and 30,000 little Thomas Friedmans itchily critiqued the plan, on the Internet. [CNN/Washington Post/BBC/Tom Friedman] Nothing else happened on the entire planet. Just kidding! Tiger Woods got a $164 traffic ticket for having an [...]
Barack Obama is finally going to announce his sexy war decision everybody knows about: He will send 35,000 vampires and werewolves to Afghanistan, because there are no actual human U.S. troops to send anywhere. [BBC] Democrat presidents have been trying to pass national health care since FDR’s time, and now it is very close, and [...]
Four police officers in Washington state were gunned down in a coffee shop by some psychopath. [Seattle P-I] The “person of interest” is a child-raping monster who got out of prison in Arkansas thanks to then-Gov. Mike Huckabee, so probably it’s goodbye to Mike Huckabee as a 2012 candidate, and there’s your “politics angle” for [...]
The Obama Thanksgiving menu featured turkey and pie — or, even scarier, some kind of Kenyan-socialist hybrid pumpkin pie made of turkey. “The President’s favorite is turkey and pumpkin pie,” the White House said in a statement. Gross. [Chicago Sun-Times] And those bankrupt losers who crashed the White House state dinner? Wannabe reality-teevee people, obviously. [...]
Happy Thanksgiving? Not for the Indians, who are anti-celebrating the Mumbai terrorist attacks of one year ago. [BBC] Most people try to sneak out of White House state dinners, but these two weirdos snuck in. [Reliable Source/NYT] The U.S. economy should recover in, oh, maybe five years? Maybe more? Who cares, because by then we’ll [...]
Not content with hating, on principle, the executive and legislative branches of government, conservatives now find America’s court system not to their taste either really. [New York Times] Some environmental people do not despise nuclear energy anymore mostly because the technology has gotten a lot safer and partly because at this point what choice do [...]
The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times] Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post] Short-term radiation leak at Three Mile Island this [...]
