pt metro section
August is rapidly deteriorating into September, which means soon there will be no more summer interns to brighten your day, with intern sunshine. Heavens, we’ll miss their shenanigans — who will be here to jam the ATM machines, with red intern badges? Yes, we’ll always cherish the laughs. The tears. The memories that will require [...]
The life of a CIA intern: picking Leon Panetta’s nose, and spying on North Korea (using Google Earth Street View). [Spotted: DC Interns]
Experts agree: Sometime between now and 5PM, DC will be ravaged by 70 mph winds, lightning storms, and many inches of rain. And it’ll still be humid as a mofo. Why is Woton so angry with DC? Did a Republican senator elope with Brunhilda? Confess before you get us all killed! [DCist]
DC is the capital of many things, not just Virginia. For instance, it’s a major destination for senseless violence, and it’s also a “must-visit” for any tourist looking to snag a little “Capitol Hill Dome,” in exchange for a crack pebble. Yes, this is a miserable place. But sometimes — not often, but now and [...]
Intern Jack: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are both supposed to be organizing paperclips? Intern Algernon: What are American muffins? Do you think they have them in America? Intern Jack: Fuck if I know. [Spotted: DC Summer Interns]
The young intern was hungry for some popcorn, so she put her intern badge in the microwave. Later she spilled some cranberry juice on her favorite pleated skirt, so she used her intern badge to rub the stain out. And after another long day of indexing toenail clippings, the exhausted young intern walked to Metro [...]
“I’m only 19 BUT as you can clearly see from my big red badge, I have an internship yanking the goose hairs off Congressman Blowhard’s back — you know, THE Congressman Blowhard? — So, my friends and I would like a pitcher of Poland Spring Vodka but you don’t need to bring extra glasses, a [...]
D.C.’s romance with blow began sometime in the late ’80s, a trend started by the Reagan Administration’s lavish White House cocaine socials featuring teenage boy-hookers and live performances by New Order. Fast-forward to 2009: D.C. is coked out beyond Oliver North’s wildest fantasies, except now all the delicious cocaine is mixed with baking soda and [...]
It must be Sweeps Week in another version of reality, as Leon Wieseltier, New Republic‘s ranking number two funny old man with funny old racist ideas, guest stars on All About Steve, a teevee show, to play the head of the FLO, the Freudian Liberation Organization. [DCist]
It doesn’t matter whether the National Zoo’s panda’s uterus is half full or half empty—the important thing is how you look at it. [DCist]
The first cases of completely bathetic and overblown panic have been found identified in Virginia. Sad. [WTOP]
Local athletics club the Washington Nationals is getting “special treatment” from DC, as the city has agreed to pay to keep the Metro running late if baseball games run late. No word yet on whether the same applies if games just feel like they’re taking forever. [DC Examiner]
