pt metro section
There is a blue crab baby boom, in the Chesapeake! These baby boomer crabs are distinctive for sporting blue “aprons” around their midsection and for their affinity for waxing nostalgic about Saturday Night Live episodes that aired between 1975-1979. [Washington Post]
A guy was caught selling guns from a potato chip stand in a market. It was as easy as catching a gun salesman at a potato chip stand, said police. [Washington Examiner]
The Nats Park is a getting fancytime makeover in the form of new food vendors and an expansion of the restaurant there, Red Porch Restaurant. [DC Examiner]
Get ready, it’s Cherry Blossom time! Starting tomorrow all the out-of-towners you just had to accommodate, in January, will suddenly take an interest in visiting again. [DCist]
The DC police are putting together a book with the 60 most notorious youth offenders so that people in-the-know will be kept abreast of these kids in the rosy-fingered dawn of their careers or something. It too has tenuous privacy implications, just like actual Facebook. [Washington Post]
A deer, which was being chased by a pack of dogs, which was being chased by Sarah Palin and a fleet of helicopters, which was being chased by that same deer, smashed into the window of a Greek restaurant in Silver Spring and then went to hide out in the bakery of a Giant. [WTOP]
DC has adopted its first gay landmark! It is the second “official” gay landmark in America, right after the Stonewall Inn in New York and Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace. [DCist]
Well, that’s that: The only places you can now smoke in Virgina are on private property, in the outdoors, and in sin. [DC Examiner]
Hey if your Verizon phone and the people responsible for its maintenance have been terrorizing you logistically and emotionally, you just earned Ten Recession Dollars. [WTOP]
Bars and restaurants are possibly maybe finally going “smoke-free” in Virginia, the Philip Morris State. In the past Tim Kaine had stopped this from happening but now who knows. [DC Examiner] White powder and a dead fish were mailed to the Dept. of Homeland Security, meaning Rahm Emanuel is the Zodiac. [Washington Post] The journoterrorist [...]
If you were denied your basic human right to attend the Inauguration thanks to “severe logistical breakdowns,” you could be eligible to receive a photo of all the fun you missed on Barry’s special day! [DCist] Hey listen up hippies: your all-natural trail mix has diseases. [WTOP] Jill, Michelle and Fentys Adrian and “his wife” [...]
In-the-tank National Park Service is reporting that 1.8 million people attended Barry’s Inauguration, but some people think the real number was closer to 1 million, meaning Obama is not even technically President. [DC Examiner] Fannie Mae is laying off hundreds of people, most of whom live and work — well, used to anyway — in [...]
Despite no threats or evidence that there might be any threats in the near future, the FBI still needs DCers to feel threatened during Inauguration Week. [DC Examiner] The tickets to the Inauguration Parade, during which Barry will hijack a car and drive off with Mandy Pepperidge forever, sold out in a minute flat. [WTOP] [...]
