pt never forget
Miss the excitement of 2008? Well, it is not coming back. Instead, tomorrow, there will be a Special Election in some obscure upstate New York congressional district, between people named “Republican Jim Tedisco” and “Democrat Scott Murphy.” Are you feeling some HOPE twitch in your pants? Yes you can! Who will win?!
The war on terror is over, and America won! Here is proof, in the form of a rusty emergency box directly outside the Longworth House Office Building on Capitol Hill. If any homeland security threats remained, this box would surely be unblemished, maybe even operational!
They are ignorant religious fanatics who live in the past and love to bugger little boys, so it’s really no big deal that Republicans have finally embraced their only peers on this planet, the Taliban. Remember those dudes?! They were all, “Blah blah allah 9/11,” and then George W. Bush was all, “Gonna blow smoke [...]
According to ancient tradition, the Staten Island Groundhog bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg today, guaranteeing another six years of brutal financial collapse. Charles G. Hogg (R-Staten Island) attacked the New York mayor during a satanic ritual held each February 2 in opposition to the Christian celebration of Groundhog Day, in the Amish hamlet of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
Nothing says “Christmas” like pardoning a bunch of terrible criminals — it’s like the original, fun, pre-Jesus Christmas, which the Romans called Saturnalia, in honor of beleaguered General Motors’ “different kind of car company,” Saturn. Back then, the Midwinter Holiday included such goofs as “letting slaves get it on with your wives” and “fucking said [...]
THANKS FOR NOTHING! Oh hey you can go “thank” old what’s-his-name, the guy who is still technically the president! No room for a special message, so your Wonkette just left “Fukk You Assclown” as our “e-signature.” PS — Do not donate to this website, just leave your “name” and go away, quickly. [Thank You President [...]
It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)
SINGLE TEAR SHED ON ROADSIDE: “Colorado Tribes Perform Native American Blessing To Mark One Month Until The 2008 Democratic National Convention.” [DNCC]
