rand paul
Top honors will be given to a brave TSA Body Scanner machine at the Nashville airport for apprehending a sinister Dalek robot-monster that was impersonating Senator Rand Paul. The cylon version of Rand Paul triggered the radioactive Body Scanner because of some miniscule fabrication error in the android’s knee joints — the scanner apparently had [...]
Like everyone else in the nation, we have grown used to the stream of wingnut “gubmint gon’ steal ur gunz” Second Amendment action-alert emails always emanating en masse from the AOL accounts of America’s loony cousins and neighbors, OR, apparently now, from a U.S. Senator! Mother Jones spotted pantsless prick Rand Paul sticking his name on [...]
Hm, let’s see, what normal, boring, uncontroversial public safety measure can some branch of the Paul family tree make hilarious through his comical lone opposition to “people not being incinerated in fiery explosions all the time?” This time: the entire Senate, nay, the entire world, is trying to expedite the passage of an industry-supported bill to [...]
Oh God, John McCain, he is getting more senile by the hour. Somebody handed Walnuts a copy of the Wall Street Journal, which, in the paper’s effort to fill all of its blank pages with words about anything besides disgraced overlord owner Rupert Murdoch, said let’s type words comparing Tea Party people to hobbits. Uh, [...]
Instead of the gold standard, Dr. Robert Paul probably wants to let the U.S. go on the fetus standard, because he refuses to do anything about it. “I’m honored that people think I’m ready to run, but I think they want me to run because I’m related to Ron Paul,” said Paul, who has a [...]
Don’t try to schedule any dinner plans a half decade from now with Rand Paul. He’s already booked. U.S. Sen. Rand Paul has already filed to seek re-election to the U.S. Senate in 2016. The Kentucky Republican who has been talking about possibly running for president next year filed a statement of candidacy to run [...]
Now a third Paul — Robert, a doctor who runs a family medical practice in Benbrook and lives in Fort Worth — is mulling a congressional bid of his own. After campaigning for his father, most notably giving speeches during the elder Paul’s 2008 presidential bid, Robert Paul is considering whether to jump into the [...]
Well, this is embarrassing. Ron Paul had an investment that wasn’t gold? FOR SALE! You too can fuck where Ron Paul fucked his wife for decades and jerk off where Rand Paul jerked off for the very first time! Only $325,000! There are a bunch of pictures of the pool and nothing else, so either [...]
Gary Johnson will formally announce his candidacy for president in April while stumping in New Hampshire, an adviser told POLITICO. The former New Mexico governor will skip the step of creating an exploratory committee, opting for an immediate start to his bid for the GOP nomination. Telling Politico! Fancy. Gary Johnson is a libertarian has-been [...]
Rand Paul may have only given up groping eyeballs in his uncertified ophthalmology dungeon a couple months ago to become a U.S. senator, but he apparently feels he knows enough about the federal government to consider running the whole joint himself. “The only decision I’ve made is I won’t run against my dad,” he reportedly [...]
Last week, America’s back-alley ophthalmologist senator, Rand Paul, delivered his first speech on the Senate floor. It wasn’t about freedom. It wasn’t about disgusting eye diseases. It was about himself. Paul contrasted himself with famous historyman Henry Clay. According to Rand, he will not make compromises ever, because when Henry Clay did, SLAVERY kept happening [...]
Since the dawn of American civilization, man has directed his laser pointer at airplane cockpits in order to blind the pilots and make the thing crash to the ground, for teh lulz. Unfortunately, the Senate yesterday passed a bill making this sort of thing illegal, by a vote of 96-1. Any guesses as to the [...]
Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) says a new poll that shows him a a top choice among Texas Republicans to run for Senate has him thinking about the race. “It’s certainly crossed my mind,” Paul told The Ballot Box of a potential run for Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s (R-Texas) Senate seat next year. Blasphemy. The Senate [...]
Voters who think Lexington needs a new direction chose Vice Mayor Jim Gray as the city’s next mayor Tuesday. Gray, a 57-year-old millionaire construction company executive, defeated Mayor Jim Newberry, 54, an attorney. He becomes Lexington’s first openly gay mayor and the first businessman who has been elected to Lexington’s top spot since the city [...]
Rejoice, Wonketeers, for Halloween is nearly upon us! In keeping with the spirit of this sexy witch-burning holiday, Wonkette World o’ Books is going to try something a bit different this week. Instead of reviewing one shameful/inept book, we’ll simply recommend a few different books, none of them explicitly about politics but all helpful in [...]
