republican national convention
The RNC, like the DNC, issued a “schwag bag” made of marijuana to each of its esteemed media correspondent reporters during check-in here, in the self-styled “Twin Cities.” The DNC and RNC bags are very similar, which somehow demonstrates everyone’s leave favorite thing: bipartisanship.
ROVE, YOU SCOURGE: Talking about the possibility of Hurricane Gustav making landfall during the Republican convention, Karl Rove tells Fox News, “The Republicans can’t seem to get a break when it comes to August and when it comes to the weather.” Right in the middle of the president’s vacation, frequently! Stupid asshole weather, poor Republicans.
As you know, the worst mayor ever of anything, Rudy Giuliani, will deliver the keynote address at his party’s convention. Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety [...]
LOLLLLLLZZZZZ: “WASHINGTON (AP) – Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will give the keynote address at the Republican National Convention next month.” COMEDY. GOLD. [AP]
Maybe it’s because the bars won’t be open 24-7 slinging delicious Wonkettinis to help conventioneers drink away the pain. Maybe it’s because the start of the convention coincides with the beginning of the school year, significantly reducing the chances that 14-year-old pages will be available for games of “hide the memo” in the Minneapolis airport [...]
DICK CHENEY’S UNIVERSALLY LOATHED CORPSE TO BE REANIMATED FOR ONE LAST HURRAH AT REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION: Whew! “Cheney plans to speak on the first night of the convention in St. Paul, Minn., the same Monday night that President Bush will speak. … There had been doubts about a speech by Cheney, who remains unpopular with [...]
Law enforcement authorities had to break the sad news today that there will be absolutely no sexing at the upcoming Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Apparently, every four years a bunch of sex-worker advocacy groups issue dire predictions that prostitution will skyrocket in convention cities, and then everybody is horribly disappointed to discover that the [...]
An angry Connecticut Democrat says that he will rent a very large floating rat and display it outside the XCel Energy Center in St. Paul if Joe Lieberman decides to attend the Republican National Convention, which he hasn’t been invited to. This angry guy, Ed Anderson, says he is “ready to apply for permits” and [...]
Here is some guy named Mike who apparently runs the RNC, and he’s asking you to submit videos explaining Why You Are A Republican in 2008. The prize is a free Werther’s sucker. Do you think Mike will be surprise with all the amateur gay porn videos he receives in the coming days? [YouTube]
GIMME GIMME GIMME: Here is an appropriately rat-sized “McCain Party Box,” one of the various cash crops that will be sold (for money!) at the upcoming Republican National Convention. What, pray tell, cums inside a McCain Party Box? [Sigh]. It will probably just be toffee or some other old man candy. [Star-Tribune]
This election year might be the most exciting in generations, but that doesn’t mean the conventions won’t be as boring as ever! Now that Hillary Clinton has robbed us of our last, greatest chance for a Convention Floor Fight featuring a shirtless Ted Kennedy jello wrestling a be-thonged Harold Ickes, Democratic conventioneers will be forced [...]
