republicans in the news
Serial-divorcing creep Newt Gingrich just can’t stop taking advantage of the women who work for him — it’s the only way a toad like Newt can get any tail! — but this is apparently a problem with the conservative Family Values crowd. What to do? Well, this time, during his third marriage and after two [...]
A failed Republican candidate for governor in Alabama has been discovered on a lesbian-impregnating rampage in New Zealand, despite his own anti-homosexual political actions and the fact that he’s married to a “two-time Mrs America finalist who has three children from a former relationship.” Bill Johnson, a conservative Christian politician who lost his 2009 campaign [...]
Times are tough for the anti-homosexual wingnut bigots of the Iowa GOP. They can’t decide which third-tier loser to endorse in their 2012 pretend election against all gay people existing … so they’ve picked both Rick “anal cum” Santorum and pathological pillhead baby rancher Michele Bachmann. Together, they are the best president America never had! [...]
You were so sure this headline was finally at long last going to be referring to Rick Perry, but still no dice. (Seriously, though, WHEN???) This time it’s America’s one-time Sheriff of the Year Patrick Sullivan, the Republican former top law enforcement official of Arapahoe County, Colorado, who is in trouble for “the usual” with [...]
Hilarious has-been dumblebore Herman Cain will have to drop out of the “anybody but Romney” GOP primary because he has a very busy penis. But in the meantime, what better way to piss away all of his campaign donations than by purchasing a “promoted Tweet” that will sit proudly atop 10,000 Herman Cain sexytime jokes? [...]
Briefly popular ignoramus Herman Cain was already sinking in the GOP primary polls like every other random dingbat the party has puked up for consideration during this long, long 2012 campaign season. But the latest scandal, that he carried on a 13-year-long affair with a lady who was not his wife, seems to be enough [...]
Nobody is sadder about amoral serial-divorcer Newt Gingrich’s momentary rise in the GOP primary polls than invisible wingnut Rick Santorum. Why do the Iowans sort of half-pretend to be interested in Gingrich for a few weeks when a real Catholic anti-abortion zealot has been running for the nomination all along? For Christ sakes, Gingrich only [...]
A pretty lady claims she had a 13-year-long sexytime affair with Herman Cain, the chain restaurant executive who is apparently still running for president. Coincidentally, the lady claims Herman quit wanting to get sexytime with her just eight months ago, just before he launched his presidential campaign in May. Cain denies the sexytime, but says [...]
High school senior Emma Sullivan made an honest joke about Kansas governor/wingnut Sam Brownback, on Twitter, and wound up in the principal’s office, where she was ordered to write an apology. This followed the governor’s office calling the schoolgirl’s principal to demand “respect” after seeing the tweet. Today was the deadline to turn in her [...]
Wisconsin Kochsuckler Scott Walker was so excited to get some time off for Thanksgiving, before he is recalled for being a giant jerkoff and also making Wisconsin number one in job losses. (How’s that “Wisconsin Is Open For Business” slogan working out, Walker?) The governor apparently typed the charmingly idiotic message pictured above all by [...]
8 p.m. Eastern Time, friends! And what will the jabbering idiots be discussing tonight, besides “whatever fever-porn nightmares emerge uninvited from their gaping mouths”? Foreign Policy! Oh this will be a delight, won’t it? BE HERE, BRING WEAPONS of LOVE & BARRELS of MARIJUANA. While you wait, enjoy (?) this collection of Rick Perry’s ultimate [...]
Another Republican debate! Nobody really noticed this dumb “Jesus Thanksgiving” thing on Saturday, due to the Civil War currently brewing in America, but the six Jesus-loving Republicans did show up to sit with these Halloween pumpkins and jabber about how much they hate the Supreme Court. Mitt Romney obviously skipped out, because he worships the [...]
Insane Anonymous Internet Racist Turns Out To Be Florida GOP Politician
by Kirsten Boyd Johnson
HOO-WEE, everyone strap in, the St. Petersburg Times has discovered that one of the more frothing racist loons littering the comments section on its news articles with vulgar diatribes is — GASP — an elected Republican officeholder! These types of reports are the only thing on the Internet more common than those annoying “FIVE SECRETS [...]