republicans
Who is this crazy lady who isn’t allowed to get out of her truck until her husband first gets out and says his piece about why he is permitting her to run for office? She’s Kathy Peterson, Republican candidate for President of the Alabama Public Service Commission and wife of briefly famous redneck and failed [...]
Ready to ruin your Saturday night? Then please join us, as we liveblog the New Hampshire ABC News secret-handjob 2012 debate. Let’s hurt together, the way Santorum would want Jesus to hurt us, should we accidentally have the buttsex. Mitt Romney, known as “the guy who is really spending a lot of money to be [...]
Here’s a bit of hilarious congressional procedural warfare we will type about to avoid posting whatever additional lunatic opinions Rick Santorum has expressed in the course of the day: House minority squad captain Nancy Pelosi led a small army of six kamikaze Democratic representatives in a storming of the chamber floor to stage some kind [...]
Forgotten anger bear Sarah Palin has made an annual ritual of publicly turning down her standing invitation to speak at premiere wingnut swinger meetup the Conservative Political Action Conference for the last four years to prove the point that she was too good to go around jabbering for free, since the communists at CPAC don’t [...]
Kansas House Speaker Mike O’Neal took his time quasipologizing for it, but the Republican has finally admitted wrongdoing in forwarding a warm holiday message comparing Michelle Obama to the Grinch by making use of some unfortunate Wind Event that befell Michelle’s hair on some tarmac somewhere. O’Neal apparently “didn’t read” (because he can’t?) the text [...]
Herman Cain has discovered what we will call “Sarah Palin’s theorem,” that just because you are not running for President does not mean you can’t act exactly like you’re running for President, in order to cash in. Herman Cain has a new non-campaign campaign website that is very wonderfully titled CainConnections.com, because he still hasn’t [...]
Last seen being led by Orly Taitz in a violent insurrection to try to get Barack Obama’s name removed from the ballot, what are the Republican lawmakers of the state of New Hampshire, or as we will now call it, “the Arizona of the East Coast,” up to these days? Oh, you know, just drafting [...]
The busy animator-slaves in Taiwan watched the Iowa GOP caucuses, too! They apparently also had pretty good drugs, since we missed the awesome part of the evening where a giant Octopus ate Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney was pelted with Bibles. At least they correctly understood that all Iowa caucus newz items are required by [...]
Haha, what the hell is going on in Iowa? Ron Paul is winning right now, with 15% of the Iowa Caucus Pie Socials reporting, while the disgustingly frothy Santorum Surge has sprayed all over Mitt Romney’s $25,000 suit. (Don’t worry, Mitt has another dozen $25,000 suits in his limo, and more in the suite, and [...]
Giant toddler Newt Gingrich is in full crybaby force today, effectively doing a number on himself while attempting to do a number on vague front-runner Mitt Romney. On the CBS Early Show this morning, Gingrich sort of called Mitt Romney a LIAR. This followed some other not-nice-to-Mitt comments he made on last night’s Piers Morgan [...]
Politico gossip Ben Smith recently graduated to … what is it, 4chan? Fark? One of those sites. And now he is free to “tell the truth” about being a political reporter covering political campaigns: It’s not a lot of fun, because of the voters (and the politicians) being such craven idiots. This is why it’s [...]
Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight’s roll in the Iowa hay. While perfectly legal — there’s no limit to the amount of [...]
Virginia’s Republican party leadership is a little bit nervous about this thing, “democracy,” that occasionally turns up results at odds with the agreed-upon election outcomes devised among their secret society of Ogre Kings, so this Super Tuesday they will be requiring voters to sign over their souls with a promise to support the eventual GOP [...]
Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might [...]
