republicans
Thanks to the Republicans destroying the Earth’s climate, Iowa is expected to be warm and dry and sunny on January 3. This is apparently very bad news for Ron Paul, because the lack of the usual Iowa Blizzard on Caucus Day means that the regular old Republican welfare-farmer corn-syrup farmers on their Medicare-provided Hoverounds might [...]
‘Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses recoiling from strange Iowa smells, Of corn syrup fields, and thick [...]
Woah! Ha ha, so in the last 48 hours the political narrative in Washington has followed a life cycle from “House Republicans won’t agree to the Senate’s two-month extension of a payroll tax cut for the freebie-loving middle class” to, now, “House Republicans are LITERALLY SETTING FIRE TO THE PARTY ITSELF,” and the Republican party [...]
Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of [...]
Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it’s fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we [...]
Unemployed dingbat Herman Cain is now, like so many Americans, in search of a new job. Herman Cain has given some consideration to his three main qualifications of “illiterate,” “serial sex creep” and “shit pizza shill,” and according to some mind-numbing teevee interview he gave to Barbara Walters, his resume makes him the best fit [...]
The whole debate, in a minute! That’s as much time as anybody should really have to spend thinking about the latest Republican Dimbulb Derby, which was broadcast on Saturday night to an audience of people who were unable to find the remote. At least everybody piled on the fat crying amoral jewelry-debt baby Newt Gingrich, [...]
NEW YORK—Big news this morning out of the Bureau of Labor Statistics: the unemployment rate dropped! Like, a lot! People without jobs are now at the lowest number they’ve been at since six months or so after the economy fell off a cliff (which, it should be noted, still remains at an astoundingly high 13.3 [...]
Here we have always assumed that Orly Taitz was some kind of comic relief goober invented by the universe to break up droll news cycles, but apparently some people still somehow take her seriously! Not real people of course, just a screamy handful of Republican state legislators in New Hampshire, this time, who got so [...]
