retirements
Hawaii Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka will not seek re-election in 2012, the fifth Democratic or Democratic aligned incumbent to bow out already this election cycle. Way to cut and run, Akaka! At 86, you’re probably the second- or third-youngest person in the entire Congress! You shouldn’t be allowed to leave the Senate until you’re dead. [...]
Three-term Sen. Jon Kyl will announce his retirement at a noon ET news conference Thursday in Phoenix, two Republican sources confirmed to Fox News. [...] Several officials, both GOP and Democratic, speculated Thursday that should Kyl resign, Rep. Gabby Giffords, rapidly recovering from a recent shot to the head at a constituent meeting, could be [...]
Brave Macaca hero Jim Webb has bravely decided to give up even trying to run for re-election to the U.S. Senate against half-witted football man George Allen. We can confirm this because the photo for this story on Google News is of a rooster that stabbed and killed a man at a cockfight. Yeah, that [...]
Tragedy last week: Death-machine makers are losing one of their “friends with benefits,” insufferable phlegmy Senate goblin Joe Lieberman. Making matters worse, the voters of Connecticut have also gotten rid of Chris Dodd, for being terrible. “With both of the state’s senators departing Congress, companies like United Technologies will have to scramble to shore up [...]
Oh for Christ’s sake: “Sen. John McCain, R-AZ, tells CNN he believes his good friend Joe Lieberman would make a good defense secretary for President Obama, calling him ‘one of the most informed members of the Senate on national security issues and homeland security issues.’” How helpful of him! You know, just the other day [...]
Sources in Connecticut (people who “read the entrails” by smashing a jelly Dunkin’ Donut in the rocky soil?) are saying that Joe Lieberman is going to announce his retirement tomorrow, seeing as nobody wants to elect that moaning sack of hollow secondhand gypsy mettle anymore. Wow, what a brilliant career! There was that time he [...]
North Dakota Democratic Sen. Kent Conrad announced today that he will not seek reelection, creating a potentially prime pickup opportunity for Republicans in a GOP-leaning state. “After months of consideration, I have decided not to seek reelection in 2012,” Conrad said in a letter to constituents. “There are serious challenges facing our state and nation, [...]
“I have known since 2006 that I wouldn’t seek another term,” she said in a telephone interview from her office in Dallas. “I wanted to announce it on my own terms and in my own way.” [...] Hutchison said she didn’t know what she would do after leaving the Senate, but retirement isn’t likely. She [...]
THE DEMOCRATS ARE FINISHED FOR A GENERATION! House Appropriations chair and third-most senior Democrat David Obey is all washed up and has chosen to retire this election year, apparently not content enough with being “the insanely powerful congressman who controls all of the money.” He has been in office since 1969. Two years later, the [...]
The POLITICO better be right, and it almost always is: “Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) will not seek reelection — after only one term in office. According to several House aides on both sides of the aisle, the House ethics committee has been informed of allegations that Massa, who is married with two children, sexually harassed [...]
Whoa, a long-ish speech with the wife and two muppets? He didn’t even lose an election earlier today, and he’s not resigning immediately, so… why he must just be very self-absorbed! Here is why he is not running: Congress is broken and our nation is on the brink of failure, so like a brave statesman, [...]
In his final “fuck all of you, supposed colleagues” to the Democratic party, Very Serious About The Deficits blogger-hating corporobot Evan Bayh has decided not to run again, just like we knew he would, EXCLUSIVE, MUST CREDIT WONKETTE, &c… He is doing this because why? Because he had a 20-point cushion in polls and was [...]
Your Wonkette has it on very good authority (a random tip from a random tipster) that the guy who was maybe going to run for president before pussing out the last time around, the lamest of President Obama’s would-be vice presidential picks, Indiana’s Senator Evan Bayh, is going to announce his retirement today. Really!
BELOVED ARIZONA CONGRESSMAN RETIRING: Arizona Congressman John Shadegg, one of the House’s top super-crazies, will not seek re-election for his stupid seat. This brings the total number of Republican retirements in Congress to 14, which you may not have known, since all the news tells us is that every Democrat is retiring because they have [...]
