rick perry
‘Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses recoiling from strange Iowa smells, Of corn syrup fields, and thick [...]
Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings: “Here’s my issue. This is [...]
Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it’s fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we [...]
We hear this is the “last” GOP debate of the year, but then again we also once believed Santa Claus was for real, so… who knows? What is for FACT is that we will be crawling into a closet to sob when this thing is over, because that is how we usually “come down” from [...]
NEW YORK—Have you been watching “Up” with Chris Hayes? You should be! It’s really, really wonderful. Though honestly kind of creepy? Because that man is smart. Freakishly so. As in: he does this weird thing where whenever one of his guests brings up some random new topic he’ll just recap it for everyone watching. Like, [...]
Remember how Rick Perry used to be able to list a whole two things in a sentence before his mind started collapsing in on itself like a black hole vacuuming up stray brain matter? Right, that’s still happening, but the gravitational pull of his own stupidity appears to be growing according to new observations made [...]
What’s this? Oh no, everyone grab hold of your weeping tissues this minute: Donald Trump is reportedly reconsidering his GOP debate comedy special after even Michele Bachmann suffered a rare fit of inspiration and declined the chance to be humiliated by one of her fellow cartoon characters. This leaves only Ol’ Frothy and Ol’ Flakey, [...]
Aw, see what the Internet noticed! America’s gayest cowboy Rick Perry also likes to look like a gay cowboy, when he talks about the gays. Go figure! [Imgur]
Only a genius with an IQ of 500 like Rick Perry could finally fit the puzzle pieces together in what can be called the great Da Vinci Code riddle of our time: why did Barack Obama really want to allow gays to openly serve in the military? So that “our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas” [...]
Sooper jenius Rick Perry has finally stumbled on the secret to a 2012 victory! He invited a town hall audience in New Hampshire to make sure to vote for him on November 12, a week after the sucky November 6 presidential election nobody is enthusiastic about anyway, and when no one else will even be [...]
It’s time for the least-informed people in America to debate the whole world, or something! Welcome, happy thanksgiving! We finally have the CNN livefeed working, and now it’s time to painstakingly document the Brutal Idiocy we are about to be subjected to, for America.
Another Republican debate! Nobody really noticed this dumb “Jesus Thanksgiving” thing on Saturday, due to the Civil War currently brewing in America, but the six Jesus-loving Republicans did show up to sit with these Halloween pumpkins and jabber about how much they hate the Supreme Court. Mitt Romney obviously skipped out, because he worships the [...]
Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is [...]
Hilarious Campaign Ad Proves Obama Thinks America Is Lazy
by Wonkette Jr.
You all know Barack Obama to be an America-hating half-Muslin, but what you didn’t know, maybe, is that he also thinks Americans are lazy according to this very funny Rick Perry ad that takes a recent Obama soundbite criticizing American business strategy out of context. And while health care reform/spreading jihad/not getting born here are [...]