rick perry
Magical idiot Rick Perry has big plans when he becomes president, in his mind. For one thing, he’s going to shut down as many federal government departments as he can easily count to: three. But which three? Oh who knows. Details are for, uh, more intelligent people?
OH JOY let us all gather round our dusty ‘puter screens with our booze supplies, since the Homeland Security Department decided to half-assedly nuke America’s television sets (not that we even own one these days), so that we may together witness the Xmas miracle of a bunch of screaming devil millionaire slobs argue over how [...]
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Here is Sean Hannity interviewing Rick Perry in a moodily lit room full of farming implements, and boy is there ever a lot of sexual tension. Just make out already, you two! But okay okay, if we had to choose our favorite Rick Perry pick-up line from this “gay [...]
Texas Governor Rick Perry had not been drinking in public or smoking marijuana in front of people or gobbling “back pills,” according to the leader of the conservative group that hosted Perry’s rambling, drunken speech over the weekend. “I can tell you unequivocally he wasn’t drinking at the event and he hadn’t been drinking prior [...]
Oh for god’s sake. The fictional Occupy Toronto protester quote we posted about this morning also got snared in Rick Perry’s crippled reality-detection filter via some huffy wingnut spam his son forwarded him, so here Perry is righteously sermonizing about the terrible tale of sloth-monster protester “Jeremy, 38 years old” before concluding with a snicker, [...]
Here is comical sleazeball Rick Perry’s latest Iowa campaign ad, in which Rick Perry takes up thirty seconds of your life to talk into the camera and explain without any hint of irony that he is “not a talker” as some happy frolicking elf music plays in the background. Will America finally fall in love [...]
Here’s an eight-minute video of a rambling idiot talking about “lovin’ on you a lil’ bit” or whatever, we don’t even know. New Hampshire! Politics! Cocktail hour!
Swollen imp-turd Neil Cavuto had Rick Perry on the Fox News business slash-fiction channel the other day, and Rick Perry did his cum-mumble about bailing out Wall Street or whatever rhymes he bit off Ron Paul’s eyebrow, and then the swollen imp-turd Neil Cavuto says, “You sound like one of those Occupy Wall Streeters.” And [...]
Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy: Thanks again to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.,” who is some kind of video-archive emotional terrorist.
The reason why everybody says Rick Perry is a haughty gay country club waiter in Dallas is because that is exactly how he acts. But there was another Rick Perry, in the past: A Rick Perry who was not afraid to express his love of sausage, and was also not afraid to dress up in [...]
The Washington Post and the Pew Research Center ran some kind of verbal Rorschach test on American voters for comedy — we can’t see how it has much other value — and asked what was the absolute first word that came to mind for each of the leading three GOP candidates. Predictably and in spite [...]
This is the “highlight” of last night’s debate, some portion where wicked millionaire slobs Rick Perry and Mitt Romney start screaming at each other like a couple of drunk country club housewives after Rick Perry accuses Mittens of being in bed with his illegal Mexican gardener or something, which is Low Class. And then they [...]
OH, is there is another CNN GOP debate 2NITE? It’s a “day,” probably, so YES, there is. The alcoholic beverage makers of America thank you, CNN! Everyone else thinks you are terrible. So, uh, Herman Cain will eat a delicious fried Mexican, Newt Gingrich will eat Wolf Blitzer, the fried Mexican will eat Rick Perry, [...]
Where has Rick Perry been hiding? Why does everyone hate him now? Is it for the most obvious reason that he is a weird toad who ritually tortures hair products and most often looks like he is asleep every time he tries to get a few words out in a debate? NO, WORSE: he refuses [...]
Rick Perry told a group of frat boys at Dartmouth after the GOP debate that America gained its independence from the bitchy Queen Elizabeth, thank God, right before the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor and forced Abraham Lincoln to invade France. Twitter absolutely loves Rick Perry’s revisionist history lesson, because it has learned something for once. [Twitter]
