robots
Here, via Operative/”Wonkette Guy” Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. “TICKETS, TICKETS” he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt, get your clothes back on! “FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, FEED MY SKULL FISH HEADS,” he then [...]
Top honors will be given to a brave TSA Body Scanner machine at the Nashville airport for apprehending a sinister Dalek robot-monster that was impersonating Senator Rand Paul. The cylon version of Rand Paul triggered the radioactive Body Scanner because of some miniscule fabrication error in the android’s knee joints — the scanner apparently had [...]
Bad news for Mitt Romney, again, as always: Now that his only real competition is a charm coffin like Rick Santorum, the press has no other choice but to pay attention to Romney’s actual, boring campaign. THAT IS SOOOO UNFAIR! Especially because the only way Romney’s campaign can back up his job creation record — [...]
It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has [...]
Did they miss anything? Thanks to whoever suffered through two hours of GOP debate video to find the only word and the only name that matters. [BuzzFeed via @stevesilberman]
Every single day of the last miserable decade, the U.S. Military has pissed away more than $16 million in fraudulent contracts in Afghanistan and Iraq. That’s $60 billion thrown away on wasteful handouts to Pentagon contractors during the wonderful War On Terror — $60 billion thrown away without even killing random goat farmers who committed [...]
Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of those robot death drone planes dropped a couple of million-dollar bombs somewhere and one of those [...]
Iowan princess Michele Bachmann will not rest until she has run out of insane speech explosions to perform in front of a camera. Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup, getting mildly yelled at by Bill O’Reilly, because even he can’t stand her. You probably want to watch as little of this as possible, [...]
The forces of good and evil resume their bilious clouded swirl over the state of Wisconsin today as primary voters go to cast votes in the state’s recall elections against six of Scott Walker’s senate puppets, and it is already just an orgy of dead fetuses and robots. Robocalls possibly from Wisconsin “Right to Life” are [...]
Big news on the technology front: A computer or some kind of Roomba or who knows is going to fight humans on teevee’s JEOPARDY! All of America can finally get back to the business of America, because using a strange kind of 1980s computer technology, people and robots will finally battle while that theme music [...]
It’s a good thing America “calmed down” after the weekend massacres! Now we can get back to worrying about snow, dead animals everywhere, exploding BMWs around the Pentagon/CIA, flooding in Australia, and more massacres. The Terror Threat Alert Level is “super dooper high” and our guest presenter “The Snooki” was going to illustrate this with [...]
You know how you know when a constant terror threat level alert is working? When people actually go so crazy that they start sending packages that “ignite and smoke” to the head of the Homeland Security Safety Mall Corporation. This is really going on! People in Maryland are sending smoke bombs addressed to Janet Napolitano [...]
Praise Geezus, TLC found another meth-fueled megalomaniac desperate for reality teevee fame: Ted Haggard! America’s most favorite megachurch megahypocrite will star in his very own teevee special, “Ted Haggard’s Alaska,” which will feature scenes of Ted Haggard preaching to hobos at his new barn church in Colorado Springs. Yes, Haggard is back, and he’s spreadin’ [...]
