second amendment
Happy newz everyone, the most-hated Congress in all of American history has finally Gotten The Message and started passing some exciting jerbs legisla– HA HA JUST KIDDING, ALWAYS KIDDING, FOREVER. No, the only issue that gets broad-based House support from 229 Republicans and 43 Democrats these days (besides their brave efforts to reaffirm “In God [...]
Like everyone else in the nation, we have grown used to the stream of wingnut “gubmint gon’ steal ur gunz” Second Amendment action-alert emails always emanating en masse from the AOL accounts of America’s loony cousins and neighbors, OR, apparently now, from a U.S. Senator! Mother Jones spotted pantsless prick Rand Paul sticking his name on [...]
Every day Arizona Republicans work just a little bit harder to more closely resemble the violent idiot parody rife with blood-soaked hillbillies wandering around shooting at each other that we usually picture when we think about this state. State senator Lori Klein is today’s cartoonishly moronic protagonist, for pulling a loaded gun out of her [...]
Antonin Scalia was spotted giving Elena Kagan “a lesson” about shootin’ crap at a shooting “club” last week, according to The Daily Caller, which has set up a tin-can telephone at the bottom of Tucker Carlson’s treehouse to receive such tips. Clarence Thomas is gonna be so pissed when he finds out his blood brother [...]
South Korea just wanted to sell 850,000 antique guns to American collectors, which is not a big deal! At least the Obama Administration didn’t think so last year, when its flouncy minions heard the word “antique” and quickly approved the sale. But then the Obamars realized that this was about Korean War-era M1 rifles, not [...]
What happens when the blacks criminals break into your house? You pick one of your 63 guns off the shelf, shoot them until their brain matter splatters all over you, and lick your fingers after a job well done, right? But what if these criminals are there to take away your God-given Second Amendment rights [...]
Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas’ nephew was allegedly tased and beat up at a New Orleans hospital yesterday after an apparent suicide attempt when he “refused to put on a hospital gown and tried to leave his examination.” Derek Thomas, 25 and a student at Nicholls State University, is epileptic and went into a massive [...]
ROGER EBERT ON 5-4 OVERTURNING OF CHICAGO HANDGUN BAN: “Supreme Court sides with squirrel hunters and drug gangs against cops and innocent bystanders.” [@ebertchicago/Reuters/Sun Times]
The entire state of Utah is absolutely giddy today as early this morning it got to kill a death row guy by firing squad. Ronnie Lee Gardner was officially declared dead at 12:17 a.m., after what observers claim was an awesome midnight laser light show with everyone’s favorite Jock Jams songs and the funny part [...]
Your Liz Glover made so many new friends today at the park near Ronald Reagan airport. At least several Real Americans spent their days there milling about the bucolic fields, ducking from airplanes, and showing off their favorite machines that exist to kill other human beings from a safe distance. This guy has two guns, [...]
Anyone who has ever been on an Amtrak train—especially during rush hour or the onset of holiday weekends—knows how much better things would be aboard that train if passengers were allowed to bring guns on it. Any and all conflicts would be basically pre-solved, because whoever wins is just whoever has a gun, see? Anyway, [...]
A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping [...]
America’s favorite orange-skinned reformed bachelor, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, is a pretty OK guy stuck with the unenviable task of governing a drooping land-phallus stuffed with meth fiends, unemployed real estate agents, and pythons. But now Crist has chosen to act like something of a dick to nice Sonia Sotomayor, for whom he would not [...]
Mike Huckabee has always seemed like a nice enough fellow, which is strange, because he also wants us all to shoot each other! Here he argues that if Iranian lady Neda had had a gun, she would’ve been able to shoot all of those mean people first, meaning… [some sort of segue, while laughing]… the [...]
