sex
Briefly popular ignoramus Herman Cain was already sinking in the GOP primary polls like every other random dingbat the party has puked up for consideration during this long, long 2012 campaign season. But the latest scandal, that he carried on a 13-year-long affair with a lady who was not his wife, seems to be enough [...]
Herman Cain knows how to turn America into a vast nation of slobs who eat shitty take-out pizza (paid for with Social Security disability checks and Food Stamps) seven times a week. Why won’t Republicans make him the new president? Well for one thing, Herman Cain has a gang of radical homosexuals running his campaign. [...]
Formerly closeted gay Republican lawmaker Phil Hinkle was caught in a hotel with a male gay prostitute earlier this month, which was all obviously some kind of terrible mistake, the way yet another GOP representative (Indiana legislature, this time) has been caught with a rent boy. But now the Republican married straight lawmaker has at [...]
“Independent contractor” Bristol Palin (hey, she works hard at being a teenager who got knocked up!) was paid $262,500 in 2009 by the Candie’s Foundation, the group that has her speak about why teenagers should be abstinent even though her not being abstinent is why she gets to be paid $262,500 a year despite having [...]
A grotesque 68-year-old car salesman, Republican “young gun” (?!) and failed Senate/House candidate from Ohio has been charged with “three felony charges of gross sexual imposition, and single counts of kidnapping, abduction, solicitation, and menacing by stalking.” Tea Party-endorsed Tom Ganley allegedly attacked a woman from Cleveland and stuck his hands down her pants after [...]
Presidential candidate/kitsch 1990s artifact Newt Gingrich knows he’s going to have to explain why he had so many affairs when he was trying to remove President Clinton from office for getting a blowjob, and here’s how he explained it to CBN in what appears to be some kind of tractor shed for storing murder victims: [...]
Congratulations to Lillian McEwen, that woman who was finally able to overcome years of terrible embarrassment about having sex with Clarence Thomas to write a book about it. D.C. Unmasked & Undressed is the title of this newly released memoir, because the people who write tell-all memoirs are weirdly terrible at this part of marketing. [...]
Congratulations, condom. Now you too are famous. As far as we know, the condom hasn’t spoken a word to a police about its connections to the American government or how much it paid it off. [Gawker]
George Will likes politics, but he does not like politics when everyone is not wearing a top hat and legislators arrive to the Capitol by auto-mobile instead of Negro-drawn carriage. “Between Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson, no one delivered this in person. They sent their report to Congress in writing. But now we’ve turned this into [...]
Julian Assange is still standing in the snow outside of his mansion-prison in the land of animal-blood-eaters, talking to fellow journalists (and all the kids watching at home!) about the dangers of condom use when having sex with a sleeping woman. And also Latin American wiretapping, if they have time. He is still wearing that [...]
WikiLeaks leader Julian Assange is hanging out in his British perp-castle of journalism right now, with nothing to do but get angry at newspapers for publishing details of his alleged rapes. But that doesn’t mean everyone isn’t trying to assassinate him. They totally are! Julian Assange is very excited about this. “I have a serious [...]
Julian Assange has finally been released on bail, LADIEZ. Who wants to buy him some train tickets and condoms he may not use? All of you? Keith Olbermann? Yes. The man has a whole castle to himself, one full of rustic objects with which to hold you down, if that is your sort of thing. [...]
Remember when fragile Australian War Criminal Julian Assange allegedly raped two Swedish ladies? We confidently assumed these so-called ladies were actually just CIA drag queens causing mischief, but the Facts suggest otherwise: Julian Assange joyously finger-banged these two Swedes — and it was awesome and totally consensual — but Julian forgot to wear condoms on [...]
Well, not exactly BREAKING or whatever, unless you’re Catholic for some reason and didn’t see this yesterday: Some old European guy in a Rome suburb told a guy who was writing a book that some people should wear condoms, if they’re gay AIDS prostitutes in Africa who can’t help themselves from giving everyone AIDS. This [...]
