Wonkette

Sexy text-messager Kwame Kilpatrick doesn’t want his “legal problems” to reflect poorly on Barack Obama, so he won’t be attending a rally to support the candidate in Detroit today. “Legal problems” is certainly one way of putting it! Pretty much everybody in the Detroit metropolitan area has tried to get Mayor Kilpatrick to resign after it came out that he and his staffer ladyfriend basically got a cop fired and later lied about it, all so that they could keep texting each other about how much they wanted to LOL each other in a sexy fashion at the Benz Chili Bowl. Naturally, when the city council tried to fire him he vetoed the motion because that would be Undemocratic. MORE »

Outrage has swept the nation following revelations that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer probably paid $4300 to meet with a high-priced call girl in Washington D.C. Sure, everybody’s horrified and baffled that such a straight shooter would violate the sacred marital bond and betray his constituents’ trust. But the real puzzler is this: isn’t $4300 a little on the steep side for a lady of the night? Who does this guy think he is, Howard Hughes? MORE »

Who wasn’t surprised yesterday when Drudge posted a developing story about supposed Edwards-mistress Rielle Hunter being pregnant (even though it was from the National Enquirer)? Who wasn’t then further surprised to see no mention of it on the NE’s site until this morning (though it was re-posted here much of yesterday afternoon) and Drudge’s link not working for more than 12 hours? Hrm. Interesting.

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Former Senate staffer Mike McHaney, who’a arrest Wonkette reported yesterday, belonged to an informal gay social group known as the Axis of Fun. The group, a source tells us, is not very well-liked. “They think they are the big shots within the gay community around DC and play kickball together and canoodle around Rehobeth.” MORE »

This has been a really bad week for D.E. Paulk, the head pastor at the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church (a megachurch outside of Atlanta). The church at which he is head pastor has been engulfed in a series of sex scandals due to the actions of his uncle and, to a lesser degree his father. Only — whoops — it turns out the two men were kind of hard to tell apart (at least for his mother).

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“A 33-year-old former youth minister of an Alabaster church has been charged with crossing state lines to have sex with a minor. Donald Brent Page of Calera is accused of traveling to Memphis on Oct. 6 to meet who he thought was a 13-year-old girl for sex, according to an affidavit prepared by an investigator with the Memphis FBI Crimes Against Children Task Force.” [Birmingham News]

There are lots of reasons to love the above Associated Press photo of Larry Craig. First of all, it was taken on June 14, three teensy days after his Minneapolis partybog arrest; perhaps that explains the look of horror and revulsion on Mitch McConnell’s face? Did McConnell know something about Craig on June 14th, a naughty little secret, perhaps? I sure do like to think so! But you know what I really love about this photo? It’s time for Larry Craig Hand Turkeys™, hooray! Join the fun after the jump…

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Oh, sure, we’ve had loads of fun at Larry Craig’s expense, haven’t we? But is there any indignity greater than becoming fodder for the too-much-time-on-my-hands set by being chosen as the subject of an internet Photoshop contest? The Lady Bunnyesque treatment shown here is my special favorite, but there’s sure to be a vicious caricature to suit your particular needs. {Freaking News]

The pressure of wasting billions of dollars per week on nonsensical “Homeland Security” programs can take its toll in many ways, like trying to seduce children online by sending pornographic videos of yourself … from DHS computers.

Read the whole rancid story, after the jump.

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