Wonkette

Hey guess who’s cosponsoring yet another one of these “protecting marriage from being forever defiled by hot gay action” Constitutional amendments? Two terrible hypocrites: an adulterous bathroom goblin and an adulterous diaper fetishist. Larry Craig and David Vitter should have gay diapered bathroom sex and then filibuster the crap out of each other, because that is what Jesus wanted when he wrote the Fruitcake Constitution. [GovTrack.us]

In an age when most reporters for the American media are timid, pasty, milquetoast mumblers, Lara Logan stands head and balls above the rest. Sure, we’ve seen some stories about her romantical adventures in Iraq’s Green Zone and an exciting brawl in a safe house between two rival suitors — and our only question is, Just two? MORE »

Massachusetts state Senator J. James Marzilli Jr. has a certain daily routine. He likes to take a pleasant constitutional through Lowell, Massachusetts’ beautiful parks. During this time of year, of course, the ladies of the park tend to gather in their flowing, bounteous summer dresses, to drink iced tea and chat about our boys overseas. Marzilli enjoys overhearing the ladies’ conversations, and then he enjoys approaching the individual ladies, and then he enjoys lunging for their chotches and boobs. Then he enjoys running from the cops against traffic in one-way streets, dressed like a hobo, scaring the patrons at the hot dog stands; and when he is caught, he enjoys giving the cops the name of another state legislator, while crying for his life. MORE »

An Oklahoma sheriff has quit his post after being charged with committing pretty much every sexual crime in the book against a number of female prisoners. For example, “rape by instrumentation.” If he’s convicted, he may serve up to 467 years in prison. Join us on a terrible sex tour of all the foul horrors former Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess may have committed! MORE »

Chesty Russian President Vladimir Putin denies tabloid reports that he has thrown over his ancient, bloated wife for Russia’s most flexible woman: former Olympic gold medalist Alina Kabaeva, who won in the category of “rhythmic gymnastics.” She is just 24 years old and a member of the Russian Parliament, so this is basically Sarkozy-Bruni all over again except with a sinister KGB troll and a bendy little minx who lounges around in polyester-blend lingerie from the Dress Barn. MORE »

Several concerned readers have written to Wonkette pointing out a few errors in our unbiased, information-filled reporting surrounding Debbie Stabenow’s husband’s tragic hooker bust. In bringing this very important information to you, we failed to adequately acquaint ourselves with greater Detroit Metropolitan area roadways, for one, and then there is the little issue of “speaking Mexican.” MORE »

If there’s one thing Democrats have learned from this whole Spitzer mess, it’s that the public has no patience for public figures who overspend on hookers. That’s why Tom Athans, Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband and the cofounder of a liberal radio station, deserves a hearty pat on the back for spending less on a hooker than he would have spent on a nice dinner with his wife. MORE »

Besides the wives and children, who are the true victims of high-placed leaders’ tawdry sex affairs? Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, of course! Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick are (or were) both Democratic superdelegates. Spitzer was in the tank for Clinton, while Kilpatrick reportedly favors Obama, even though the Obama campaign halfheartedly denies it. So what happens when reckless oversexed Democrats let their personal addictions interfere with their public lives? They make the increasingly weird superdelegate count even less predictable. Of course, none of this matters if Clinton and Obama superdelegates keep cancelling each other out by getting caught in embarrassing situations in equal numbers. [Political Punch, NPR]

Hey, remember this poor jerk who got arrested in Florida for maybe sucking off some hot teenaged boy in a steam room? Carl Stanley McGee, assistant secretary for policy and planning in Massachusetts, is no longer the subject of an inquiry by Florida prosecutors due to lack of evidence and witnesses. Among the evidence investigators could not locate: spermy towels. MORE »

Citizens, do you think that important legislative things happen in the capital of your state, for example the passing of laws? You are right, sort of! Sometimes laws do get passed, but it’s only because our elected representatives need something to do in the 30-45 minutes of the day they aren’t chasing skirts and fondling ripe man-flesh. After the jump, an up-to-the-minute thumbnail history of all the foul misdeeds and sexy hijinks our state leaders engage in when they’re supposed to be reading that bill about the toll roads. MORE »