slobs
Squirmish-y grifter Sarah Palin isn’t getting noticed enough by the media she pretends to hate! This is why the multi-millionaire human fraud and political quitter is begging the Huffington Post to please, please, please keep her in the blog-news cycle. It’s one thing to be a gleefully ignorant demagogue to a bunch of unemployed housebound [...]
America’s princess, Bristol Palin, did an exclusive phone-in with these two minor-market FM morning show announcers all about the mysteries of her life — and she called in from her Arizona stucco ghetto foreclosure about 50 miles outside of Phoenix, surrounded by garbage and cotton fields and bits of rock, and you can almost see [...]
It’s morning in America, for reals this time! The United States has finally honored its favorite sanitation robot that toiled for 800 years cleaning up the Earth after fat slob humans trashed the whole place. That’s right, WALL-E is now on a postage stamp, so that very old people who still pay bills with stamps [...]
If you can figure out how to order a pizza and then get the pizza out of the box and into your gut, then you’ve got all the mental skills necessary to be a TSA groper and iPhone thief: Our former sister site Consumerist writes: The ad, touting a “career where x-ray vision and federal [...]
Relax, terrorists!
This smarmy crybaby in pleated trousers was just bitching so loudly because the escalator at the Shaw metro stop was “broken” yesterday. He was a grown man eating a candy bar, which is against The Subway Rules in the first place, and his too-pretty-for-him girlfriend was in those weird ballet shoes with the Neverending Story [...]
Uhh: GREENSBURG, Pa. — An argument at a Greensburg Wendy’s forced several customers to leave the restaurant when a woman began chasing her husband around in her personal mobility scooter, police said. When the police showed up, they cited the slobs for causing a ruckus. “With it being night out and cars pulling in and [...]
If you had a proper Labor Day celebration, you were too drunk on Freedom to carefully plan out a weekend wardrobe, and according to the Washington Post, this makes you a disgrace. Thankfully, for Americans wishing to do their part not to “mar this country’s natural beauty,” there is someone with all the answers. Her [...]
If there’s one lesson we all must learn, it’s that people who ride around on scooters are people too. Granted, they have lost the basic human ability to walk, and would not have survived the world at any point in history except right about now, but genetically speaking, they are human. According to blog Jesus [...]
Did you love GlennBeckPalooza so much that you wish it would just happen forever, sort of like a picnic but the people never go home, because they actually live in the bushes? Well then, you will love these videos we have for you! This first one is from Reason TV, the libertarian pornography network, and [...]
Every three years or so, “like clockwork,” your editor realizes he still works on the Internet because whatever Internet thing he edits must be forcefully updated to the Internet’s current technologies, which in three years’ time have usually gone so far beyond whatever publishing system of the past that there’s no longer anyone alive who [...]
Meghan McCain wants to commemorate her one-week anniversary (NEW RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 31! Update your calendars!) upcoming book release by branding her upper ass-wedge with the Chinese symbol for Lindsey Graham, who is her spirit animal. Mrs. McCain will throw her feces everywhere if Meghan actually goes through with it, or so we are led [...]
Illegal Mexicans took all our jobs! For example, somebody who doesn’t even speak English got the job of painting a wingnut slogan on this creepy old van abandoned in the Austin airport garage. An American wingnut could’ve earned several sacks of anus burgers painting this slogan and still screwed the language just as much in [...]
Direct from Ketchum, Idaho — where Ernest Hemingway shot himself, because the people were such trash — comes this shocking photograph of a dumb redneck’s beat-to-hell 1984 Suburban. Wonkette operative “Sebastian S.” apparently walked right up to this thing to take this picture, or maybe he just leaned out of his car and snapped the [...]
