Wonkette

So these pictures leaked out over the weekend, or Friday, whatever, your editor was still on vacation, in the firestorm, and these pictures of Sarah Palin being a public slob have been all over your Internets. At least one of them, anyway, which apparently caused ejaculations of starbursts in a certain subset of the emotionally crippled boy-wingnut population, because Palin’s ass and XXL logo t-shirt are visible. MORE »

As the snow-meth icing on the Baked Alaska of Sarah Palin’s hilarious public self-destruction which is also hilariously destroying the the grisly remaining blood-and-gristle bits of the Republican Party, here is how ABC News describes her exit from the McCain Failure Party, where she was not allowed to speak: “And when McCain and Palin split up in Arizona Wednesday, the personal differences were stark. McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle. Palin’s departure was a grander event. She left with an entourage of 18 family members and friends and a Secret Service detail, heading to the airport in a motorcade stretching more than a dozen vehicles, flanked by a dozen more cops on motorcycles.” [ABC News via Steve Silberman]

Oh, Sarah Palin, your trashy ass may be back in Alaska today, but you’ve left enough enemies down here in the contiguous U.S. — the real, pro-America America — to keep Wonkette going until Christmas. From this wonderful Newsweek collection of campaign trails, we learn today that Palin’s shopping spree was a lot worse than the original outrageous $150,000 orgy of luxury. MORE »

Sarah Palin has been governor for such a short time that she’s only got a few dozen scandals to her name, and the one America loves best is called “Troopergate,” because, hey, -gate! MORE »

This is our Part III, of this painful debate between Gwen Ifill and Joe Biden. Meanwhile, sprightly snow clown Sarah Palin is reciting notes and folkisms from her podium. It is weird. Whether it’s weirder than any other part of this freak two-year-long presidential campaign, we won’t know until … the next freak event. Agh, she can’t pronounce “nuclear” either. Well, hey, our pre-liveblog is here, our Part I liveblog is here, our Part II liveblog is here, and now let’s get to drinkin’, stoppin’ the brains from gettin’ confused with our freedoms, our democracies, and etc. Ugh. MORE »

Alaskan waterhead Sarah Palin went to Ground Zero! She is really enjoying her first trip to a city, and also probably saw MAMMA MIA and The Lion King, which she found “too liberal.” And you know what’s super-duper tall? The Empire State Building, that’s what! They don’t make ‘em like that in Wasilla, where the tallest building is a Taco Bell arch. Anyway, let’s look at the transcript of Palin’s very brief, very embarrassing bit of give and take with the poor reporters who have to follow this idiot around New York and finally got to holler four questions today. MORE »

Alaskan moron Sarah Palin spends all her time in a tanning bed, listening to Van Halen (the Sammy Hagar version) and making up idiot new names for her next babies. But what if you had been born to the vice president of tattoo parlors? Your editor, for example, would’ve been named “Crunk Petrol Palin.” [Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

Sarah Palin is proving she’s truly an Alaskan politician — you know, a corrupt hack! The McCain campaign says its celebrity idiot will not cooperate with the Troopergate investigation — you know, the legal investigation launched by Alaskan legislators because Palin did some weird crap with the Alaska state troopers. She replaced them all with her husband’s pot dealer or something, who knows, but it is super crooked and rotten and she is so much worse than Nixon and Stalin. [Associated Press]

Alaskan dingbat Sarah Palin did something very important when she became governor of Alaska just 19 months ago: She had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion — the one she refuses to live in, so she could charge Alaskan taxpayers $17,000 to sleep in her other tanning bed, at home in Wasilla. Now we breathlessly await confirmation that she also had a tattoo parlor set up in the executive office. [The Field/Narco News]

For many months after he won the Republican nomination, nobody wanted to see nasty grumpus John McCain mumbling onstage about how he puts country first every time he bangs a lobbyist. Not even the promise of honey and Saltines at the back of the Straight Talk Express was enough to lure likely Republican voters to a McCain “Rally.” Well, that’s all changed, now that he has a running mate who “excites the base,” wokka wokka. MORE »

Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »

If only John McCain had learned about the Internet before he chose Sarah Palin — so much “cyber vetting” could’ve happened. Instead, a bunch of hungover libtard bloggers are using their favorite friend (the Internet) to dig up all kinds of half-ass semi-comical crimes committed by that beloved Alaskan anger-bear, Sarah Palin. MORE »

• OFFICIAL TRIG PALIN BABY CONSPIRACY TIMELINE! Well, sure, let’s have Vanity Fair take a go at this thing. It’s a chart! [Vanity Fair]