socialism
Wingnuts In Full-Scale Panic Over ‘Socialist’ Third-Grade Sing-a-Long
A group of Virginia third graders composed a song about the spiritual emptiness of greed, which they sang for their fellow public school students at an assembly — good on them, right? Except, UH-OH TIMES A HUNDRED, they included the term “99 percent” in the lyrics. Since when are children allowed to use SOCIALIST PROFANITIES [...]
Tony Perkins Discovers True Meaning of Jesus: Capitalism Is Awesome
In honor of #OccupyCongress and the “Take Back the Capitol” movement that officially began today in Washington and the patient citizens who put up with lawmakers who hid from them and tried to have them arrested for seeking — GASP — meetings with their representatives, we will now enjoy a hearty chuckle at one of [...]
Fox News Dingbats Using Up Oxygen To Intensify War Against Puppets
Oh look, a new children’s film starring Muppets with the controversial theme “greed is bad” is the scandal-du-jour over at used dildo recycling plant Fox News? Sure. Last Friday the Fox News business channel presumably had some airtime to fill to avoid any lengthy discussion of the Labor Department’s positive jobs report, so actual tumor [...]
Republican Strategists ‘Frightened To Death’ By #OWS Movement
by Ken Layne
While the Occupy Wall Street movement can sometimes seem to be more about tents and police and pepper spray than the crushing economic injustice in this country, Republican political operatives are having no trouble at all figuring out exactly what #OWS wants. “I’m so scared of this anti-Wall Street effort. I’m frightened to death,” top [...]
Bachmann Memoir: Bush Was a Socialist, Boehner Was Dean Martin
by Wonkette Jr.
One of the funniest things Michelle Bachmann ever did – this week! – was to name her new book “Core of Conviction,” by which she means she should be convicted for being criminally insane. And now, courtesy of some tortured bet-losing news room intern who was forced to read an advance copy of her certifiable [...]
Ron Paul: Africa’s Famines Will End When They Quit Being So Socialist
Ron Paul! He knows what’s wrong with Africa. All the famines, the people dying over there that you may have heard about in the news lately? It’s because Africa is socialist. The whole place! RON PAUL, on Africa: ”All I know is if you look at history and if you compare good medical care and you [...]
New U.S. Achievement: More Americans In Poverty Than Ever!
by Ken Layne
If the sunshine seemed a little bit brighter this morning and the air a little bit sweeter, you were surely imagining it — Obama’s new smog allowances keep the skies permanently brown and sour, despite the collapse of American manufacturing. But America is on the rise in one exciting new respect: One of every six [...]
Rick Perry Proposed ‘Bi-National’ U.S.-Mexico Obamacare Before 9/11
by Ken Layne
Rick Perry had a grand idea, just days before Muslim Terrorists attacked the United States on 9/11/01: Mexico could join together with the United States to provide free socialized health care for everyone, Mexican and Texan alike! This is how Rick Perry spent the days before 9/11, trying to give our capitalist freedom to a [...]
Patriotic Children’s Book Here To Rescue Your Child From Socialism
Are little Jimmy and Janie coming home from school with a bunch of godless socialist ideas about “redistributing toys to other kids who haven’t had a turn” and “waiting in communist bread lines to go out to recess?” If you are worried this kind of Soviet indoctrination is taking hold of your youngster in our [...]
Paul Ryan Charging Town Hall Attendees $15 To Yell At Him
Corporate rentboy Paul Ryan has a “neat market solution” for making sure that his constituents leave him the hell alone next time he wants to preach to a town hall crowd about his fever dreams for destroying Social Security and Medicare: charge everyone $15 to come in the door. “What does no one in America [...]
Tea Party Won’t Vote For Pell Grants For Welfare Queen College Students
Frothing gremlin mosh pit “the Tea Party Caucus” is psychologically composed of the shrill, whiny kids on the playground who were already yelling “socialism!!!!” by age four when the teacher tried to give another kid a turn on the swings at recess, so here we are today with your adult-size whiny children complaining they won’t [...]
Americans Who Use U.S. Gov’t Social Programs Think They Don’t Use U.S. Gov’t Social Programs
by Wonkette Jr.
You can forgive people who take legal tax breaks like the homeowner’s mortgage deduction or child care deduction for saying they’re not using government social programs — most people would understand such a program to provide a benefit or payment or service directly to you, not just lower your tax burden. But a surprisingly (!) [...]
Liberal-Obama Climate Change Now Killing All White House Trees
by Wonkette Jr.
Time and again since Barack Obama took office, “severe weather” has been blamed for the destruction of many beautiful old trees all around the White House grounds. Why does this socialist Muslim president hate our nation’s trees so much? As an example of why magazines should not have websites full of cutesy bullshit blog posts, [...]
Do Republicans Know About These Socialist Security ‘Star Trek’ PSAs?
by Ken Layne
Hey look, it’s Star Trek actor George Takei and, uh, non-Star Trek actress Patty Duke, doing a fun Star Trek thing for the oldz, who cannot figure out how to get their Social Security retirement payments. But it’s so easy, even William Shatner could figure out how to do it! (This is the actual joke [...]
Sarah Palin’s Evil Socialist State Film Subsidy Funded ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’
by Jack Stuef
In case you missed it, small government crusader and Tea Party favorite Sarah Palin’s TLC reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” received a $1.2 million subsidy from the state of Alaska. The show spent $3.6 million on production in the state, meaning that Alaskan taxpayers covered a third of the cost of the show. Sarah Palin [...]
