south carolina
Newt Gingrich’s latest campaign ad is the shoestringiest thing you could possibly make if you wanted to simply remind people that you speak loudly and forcefully in debates, insult your competitors whilst sounding like a hormonally-charged high school debate team member, and categorically cannot stand the President. The ad consists of Star Wars-like music combined [...]
In Monday night’s debate, Rick Perry made the claim that Turkey was “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” Just as bafflingly, people from as far and wide as actual Turkey and D.C. have taken time out of their busy days Tuesday to condemn Perry’s par-for-the-course proclamation. But he’s been to Turkey, [...]
He’s not gone yet, but Rick Santorum will arguably be carried out of this campaign kicking and screaming by Mitt Romney, the tyrannical stepfather of the 2012 race, who’s just launched robocalls to South Carolina voters that feature audio of Santorum’s 2008 endorsement of Romney as the Republican candidate. On a scale of one to [...]
It was a great Republican debate in South Carolina, we bet! But there was a rerun of an infomercial we decided to watch instead, while eating rat poison and singing disco songs about urinating on the dead enemy in Europe or something. Here’s the debate host guy, broadcaster Juan Williams, rudely interrupting Newt Gingrich’s standing [...]
Stephen Colbert’s super PAC released an attack ad in South Carolina this weekend that makes the brilliant connection between Romney’s “corporations are people” comment and the number of jobs he killed while working at Bain Capital. Duh, that would make him A SERIAL KILLER by his own admission, if he ever admitted to anything. The [...]
Early-onset dementia poster child Rick Perry is still, STILL waging his quixotic battle to correctly and consistently identify the same three federal agencies he is proposing to excise from government ever since that magical debate performance last November. This is apparently a MENSA-level test question for a Texas governor. Perry got a slow-pitch softball from [...]
Faced with attacks from the left, right, leftish, righter and center forward, Mitt Romney has spent his days in South Carolina focusing on trying to make people forget about Bain by talking about it constantly. After Sarah Palin and the rest of the world called out Romney, or at least called on him to get [...]
Stephen Colbert announced on Thursday night’s show that yessireebob, he is running for president! Again! That is to say, to bow to tradition, he’s exploring running for president, and spent basically the entire show minus the interview segment learning from his lawyer (and former Federal Election Commission chairman) Trevor Potter about the very uncomplicated exploratory [...]
Rick Santorum, down in South Carolina with the rest of the troupe, decided Thursday afternoon to lump Mitt Romney’s proposed policies in with President Obama, further confusing the capitalism debate to the point that it now sounds like an LSAT question with no real answer. In the process, he, albeit not necessarily consciously, decided to [...]
CNN decided Wednesday to let Rick Perry into its upcoming Republican debate in South Carolina January 19, despite the fact that he technically doesn’t qualify for it, since his polling average is not that much higher than the average of people who aren’t even in the race anymore. “Oh but he’s fun!,” they cry, and [...]
Newt Gingrich, Head Muckraker/Chief Hypocritical Ombudsman of Political Utterances Great and Small, is campaigning in South Carolina today, where he decided around 3 o’clock in the afternoon that his attacks of Romney’s time at Bain Capital might have gone too far. Gingrich was confronted by an unhappy Rick Santorum supporter during a — what else [...]
KNOWN FACT: Unemployed people are lazy and refuse to get jobs. Why else would South Carolina’s unemployment rate always be hanging out around ten percent? So here’s an idea from the state’s Republican lawmakers: if the jobless don’t want to work for money, they should at least be legally required to work for free, right? [...]
