space
We are not always kind to NASA — because come on, most of those people couldn’t even hold a job at the Jiffy Lube — but today’s launch of Discovery went off without a terrible explosion killing everyone aboard. And that’s something, for NASA! Plus, this is the fourth-to-last Space Shuttle mission, ever. No more [...]
What happens when you make a lousy low-budget movie with a story that goes nowhere and outdated special effects? You spend a whole lot of money marketing the crap. What happens if you have a vague understanding of this concept but you work for NASA, with its 1970s jalopy shuttles and its moment of glory [...]
HEY YOU GUYS: Please DO NOT FORGET to say “goodbye forever” to the moon tonight. Tomorrow at like six in the morning NASA will bomb it to death. Recall the moon’s distinguished history: It has orbited around our planet, America, for the last ~2009 years, when Jesus Christ gifted all the celestial bodies, which he [...]
Back in spring, Obama set up a special advisory science panel of scientists to find out exactly how cool it would be for NASA to send astronauts into space, like to Mars maybe. The panel’s findings indicate that this would be “pretty fucking cool,” or “quite brilliant, really” in metric units. Fantastiche! NASA will now [...]
NOW GO MAKE BEAUTIFUL SPACE BABIES: The two non-diapered members of the Astronaut Love Triangle have gotten engaged, while the nappied hypotenuse awaits her December trial. This is the most important news in the history of space exploration, aside from that time NASA filmed the fake moon landing at an abandoned Encino drive-in. Congratulations to [...]
Man, the Cold War, those were the days, right? Spy satellites, moon walking, cosmonauts — and all this, minus the constant lingering threat of nuclear annihilation, can be yours at the Out of This World Party on Saturday in the Warehouse Theater. This celebration of Soviet Yuri Gagarin, the winner of the “first human in [...]
So those awful explosions that you all witnessed the other night were not angels lighting their farts on fire, or meteor showers, or anything else Celestial. Apparently a fearsome Russian Rocket vomited its “space junk” all over the Eastern seaboard. Why don’t Russians care about the environment?
Now that Obama has closed down the evil Gitmo prison camp, he’s left with 250 detainees that need to either be released or criminally prosecuted – of course, there’s that tiny little problem of Where, How and Why.
Today was supposed to be an exciting day for science as NASA planned to launch its “Orbiting Carbon Observatory,” a fancy new Space Machine that would study carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere and calculate the exact moment when Earth will die, from heat. The $273.4 million, 972-pound monster “carried a single three-channel spectrometer to [...]
SPACE DISASTER SOMEHOW DIDN’T INVOLVE NASA: Some old broken-ass Russian military satellite smashed into an Iridium satellite and now they are both tiny bits of space debris that will eventually cause the Apocalypse — the Russian satellite had a nuclear reactor. [Wall Street Journal]
While George W. Bush begged us to go along with Henry Paulson’s plan to print $700 billion worth of Treasury bills to sell to the Chinese in a tragic attempt to somewhat delay our Greatest Depression and final decline as a nation, China itself has been, you know, doing stuff.
“The RPSSG has determined to form on the RonPaulForums.com as a method of designing and building a space vehicle capable of carrying a satelite into space. This satelite, called the Ron Paul Satelite, will be a solar powered transmitter, capable of broadcasting Ron Paul Revolution: A Manefesto, in audio format, to the entire Universe! We [...]
