swine flu
Embedded video from CNN Video Oh god oh god somebody tell the president! A family of filthy “birds” (that is common DC parlance for “tree rats”) has infiltrated the White House grounds. We must douse these animals in hand sanitizer, or boil them, or else just move them into a confined space with Joe Biden. [...]
TWO FER … SATURDAY?Will Obama Protect the Media From Pig Flu? [Politics Daily]Flu Horror at the Target [True/Slant]
Goddamnit, OF COURSE the first “residents” of Washington to get the pig AIDS are a couple of twats at the most expensive school in America, George Washington University. From the GW newspaper: “[Department of Health head Peter Pierre] Vigilance said that the cases have been sent the Centers for Disease Control for further testing. The [...]
We heard your cries of horror, so this week’s edition is three minutes long and PACKED with health & safety tips from The Awl’s Choire Sicha, so you won’t die of the pig-bird-hybrid flu! [The Awl]
Bob Dylan will have to write his next album about the terrible mice plague sweeping the nation of Australia, and by “the nation” we of course refer to “a single nursing home in Queensland.” Still, we must ask the important question: if the pig AIDS doesn’t kill us, will the mouse plague do it instead?
Slate! That’s technically a magazine. Yes, yes, magazine by a hair. Okay, here we go, let’s take a look at which articles this week everyone will be referencing in conversation as if they did not just about read these things in Slate. As in: Q: “Oh, did you know so-and-so fun fact about so-and-so marginal [...]
When word of a surprise new Bob Dylan studio album reached your Wonkette on March 20, we wondered what sort of Actual Hell this record would release, as it is established fact in this first awful decade of the 21st Century that Bob Dylan only releases new studio albums to mark the arrival of another [...]
Here is your Robert Gibbs trying to explain to the gotcha media that when Joe Biden said “Anyone in America who goes into any sort of enclosed space will die like hotcakes,” he really meant, “God bless the troops,” because nobody messes with that Joe. (?). This does not satisfy America’s top newsman, Jake Tapper, [...]
Famous talky-mouth Joe Biden is always plotting against us, except for part of this week when he was a Hero for talking so much to Arlen Specter that Specter had enough and said, “Okay, Jesus fucking Christ, Joe, whatever, I’ll be a Democrat. I’ll be a fucking Scientologist Mel-Gibson Catholic Turkish Imam if that’s what [...]
Here’s Joe Biden this morning telling us all that we’re going to die if we travel in confined spaces (2:35 in). Hooray! And better yet, the swine flu has finally “come home” to our nation’s capital, Washington, after some slob at the World Bank (*shakes fist at World Bank*) went to Mexico, fucked a pig, [...]
Do you know what’s worse than a LEVEL FOUR flu pandemic freakout? A LEVEL FIVE flu pandemic freakout — it is like four, but plus another, to equal five. Things can only get one more number worse than what will soon be announced, the Level 5 — and that, as you probably already suspect, is [...]
America’s joke, Congresslady and full-time lunatic Michele Bachmann, woke this morning from her barbiturate-wine cooler stupor, crawled on her hands and bloodied knees to the AM-only radio permanently tuned to the local wingnut talk station, and happened to catch the national news bulletin: An influenza pandemic! It sounded pretty serious, whatever “pandemic” meant. Michele Bachmann [...]
So we arrived here late, of course, due to Tories, and scarfed down a few blueberry muffins before departing on a grand tour of George Washington’s farm. We saw a museum under a sheep pasture, where they store George Washington’s skull (pictured above). Did you know the father of our nation was a hologram? Well, [...]
