ted stevens
Ted Stevens didn’t have a chance at winning his Senate race — not after reports surfaced that the RNC had paid $150,000 for his elaborate pine-tar facials and wardrobe of decaying burlap sacks. Thanks to commenter “belmonttau” for the screenshot.
GOOD-BYE, TED STEVENS! “It’s official, and it’s a national tragedy: Ted Stevens has lost his Senate seat to some Democrat, in Alaska. Today, on his 85th birthday, the convicted felon and old white Republican Ted Stevens has been voted out of the office — voted out of office by Alaskans.” [AOL Political Machine]
TED STEVENS EXPULSION POSTPONED: The Senate GOP Conference delayed a vote today on expelling Ted Stevens from their weird little club. They want to wait to see how the Alaska vote turns out! And, if you can even believe it, the MONSTROUSLY SLOW Alaska elections people are finally supposed to count the last major batch [...]
STEVENS WILL PROBABLY LOSE: A modicum of “reality” has been restored to Alaska, as it now looks like convicted felon Ted Stevens will lose his Senate seat to Democrat Mark Begich, whose popularity stems from being the candidate in the race who isn’t a convicted felon. Stevens’ own pollster is calling Begich’s victory a sure [...]
A CLEAR MANDATE FROM THE PEOPLE: “The elections division still has over 10,000 ballots left to count today and thousands more through next week, but the latest numbers show Mark Begich leading Sen. Ted Stevens 125,019 to 125,016.” [ADN]
Remember how convicted criminal-senator Ted Stevens of Alaska finagled his way into an election night lead despite every poll showing him down by 4,750%, due to those seven (7) crimes? Well the Alaska elections board has found a few hidden ballots that might change the score. But not many ballots, just THIRTY PERCENT OF THEM. [...]
A ballsy Wonkette hero operative sends us a fantastic photo with this description: “I got convicted Senator Ted Stevens to sign this ‘I am VECO’ hat with a silver sharpie on election night 2008.” No, it’s not just funny because she fooled Stevens into believing that she was a supporter. Veco, for you hippie anti-corporates, [...]
Fancy this mystery from Alaska: as things stood before the election, recently convicted-on-seven-counts felon Ted Stevens was appropriately losing by 13 percentage points in The Polls; similarly corrupt (but so far unconvicted!) at-large Rep. Don Young was losing by 6.5; John McCain was ahead by 14 in the state; early voting in the state was [...]
Amid all the excitement of last night’s HISTORIC ELECTION a few important questions went unanswered, at least here on the Wonkette. For example: did fluorescent light foe and unrepentant baby-farmer Michelle Bachmann successfully defend her Minnesota district from insurgent chaotic-good lawn sprite Elwyn Tinklenberg? And whatever happened to that poop factory over in San Francisco? [...]
The jury deliberating over Ted Stevens’ corruption trial consisted exclusively of angry cat ladies and addled kooks, one of whom was so disruptive she almost caused a mistrial. But then there was this OTHER juror, Juror No. 4, who ALSO messed things up by disappearing, mysteriously, to “go to her father’s funeral in California” over [...]
Alaska Congressman and enemy to interns Don Young still loves his partner in corruption, Ted Stevens. This corrupt duo remembers being corrupt together ever since their corrupt days eating corrupt sandwiches with corrupt Richard Nixon and then corrupting each other’s wives: “I can remember Richard Nixon, you know, his years of service, what he’s done, [...]
McCain, addressing Queen Frostine and Lord Licorice in the chocolate village of Hershey, PA, described Obama’s energy policy as: “blah blah blah, all this.” [The Caucus] Say goodbye to your Christian Science Monitor, it is relocating permanently and exclusively to the Internet, which is a sunny suburb of Phoenix. [Marc Ambinder] And so begins the [...]
Alaskan Republicans are all so corrupt and stupid, when we saw the big “McCain Tells Alaskan To Fuck Off” headlines, for a fleeting happy moment we thought he fired Sarah Palin — even though, in our hearts, we knew it was about Palin’s creepy old boyfriend and convicted felon criminal, Ted Stevens, the other Republican [...]
John McCain does not believe Earmark Welfare Queen Ted Stevens should be running for Senate re-election anymore, now that he has been convicted by a jury of being a terrible fraud. Yesterday Stevens was found guilty of making false statements regarding the free sex dungeon a contractor built for him and his wife in Nowheresville, [...]
Republican hero Ted Stevens is guilty on all charges, ha ha, but his name will remain on the ballot, so who knows, maybe Alaska will give him another term, for fun. Anyway, it looks like Sarah Palin’s favorite boyfriend is going to jail, and Fox News is so sad, because this means, what, 79 Senate [...]
