terrorism
With his AHH, MUSLIMS! hearings scheduled to begin this week, unfortunate Congressman Peter King has allegedly received numerous death threats and angry phone calls — more irrefutable evidence which proves Muslims are Extreme like the X Games, Q.E.D. The hearings will proceed as planned of course because when you don’t waste taxpayer dollars investigating radical [...]
Devious Lady GaGa CD-RW terrorist Bradley Manning was charged yesterday with “aiding the enemy,” which is punishable by death. (Hillary Clinton will sit on him until he dies.) In the meantime, the Army has decided that Bradley Manning needs to take off his clothes and then stand around naked in his prison cell for hours, [...]
As the weather gets warmer, it’s time for Americans across the land to go out in the sun, get (their scooters) some exercise, and return to hating Muslims, so here’s your third post of the day on this exciting, innovative movement. Our country, as we all know, is still pretty certain a terrorist attack is [...]
Private First Class Bradley Manning faces twenty-two “new” charges, including “aiding the enemy” and probably “complaining too much about being tortured, what a weenie.” (Army people refused to identify the “enemy” Manning is allegedly aiding. Surprise!) Brad Manning is still in solitary confinement at the Quantico Marine Fun Palace, so we’re sure that these new [...]
A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday. That [...]
That tremendous waste of resources known as the “Homeland Security Advisory System,” a color-coded chart letting you know how many times you will be murdered by a terrorist today, is finally being phased out by the Obama administration. It’s a sad day for fear. That chart may look like the keys on a toddler’s xylophone, [...]
Dugway Proving Ground, a massive Army base in Utah along the border with Nevada, has been under lockdown for many hours now because of some kind of “national terror alert” to “resolve security issues.” Dugway is a bioweapons lab and supposedly home to secret military aerial projects. More than 6,300 sheep died near the proving [...]
The Wonkbot was just kicking it old-style at its tacky lakefront tract McMansion up in some snowbilly suburb by the Taco Bell and Big Lots! and Home Depot and army recruiting strip mall shop and then the Wonkbot thought, “People somewhere are doing a Jew Blood Libel on me!” So here is the “state of [...]
You know how you know when a constant terror threat level alert is working? When people actually go so crazy that they start sending packages that “ignite and smoke” to the head of the Homeland Security Safety Mall Corporation. This is really going on! People in Maryland are sending smoke bombs addressed to Janet Napolitano [...]
Whoa what even happened in the House of Representatives today? Those dudes are trying to prove they can read? Very fancy. Our special U.S. GOP Terror Threat Alert Robot can also read, with her mind, which is a computer chip from a spaceship. And the Wonkbot TSA-1138 has now been programmed to read the Facebook [...]
How bad are things out there this evening, terror-wise? Super bad! In Florida, there is an orange alligator loose. Who would make such a monster? No god we know, that is for sure. Not in America. Also, in the most American fast food place (Baja Fresh) in some mall in some Arizona turd town, a [...]
The man will stop at nothing until he has destroyed every building in D.C. made out of children’s plastic bricks. And now he’s radicalizing young, disaffected adherents of Twitter. [Twitter]
Christmas Eve is a very exciting travel day because it’s one of the busiest, most insane times to attempt to get on a plane. Plus, the weather is guaranteed to be pretty horrible because it’s winter. Also, there’s horrific stress as millions of people try to get across the country at the last possible minute [...]
A package bomb exploded at the Chilean embassy and at the Swiss embassy in Rome today, injuring the one person (intern? professional Santa?) who opened them at each location, but not killing him(s) or her(s). On its surface, this is one of the most confusing bombings in recent history, because aren’t there, well, better things [...]
