texas
Have you ever wished that Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert would stop and take some time to explain what makes caribou want to hump? Sure you have. Here you go: “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the [oil] pipeline,” he says, and you can imagine [...]
Rick Perry is finally dropping out of the Republican race Thursday, and will endorse Newt Gingrich because it’s just more fun that way. He will now return in shame to Texas to command-in-chief his Burundi-sized army and obsessively read over all his old emails to Jesus for clues about why Jesus dumped him and maybe [...]
Rick Perry’s comprehensive new policy platform for “fixin’ shit” is just to slash Congress’ $174,000 annual paychecks in half and cut back on the time that Congress spends in Washington, as punishment for making everyone hate them. This is Rick Perry’s huge “solution” to everything according to his new campaign ad, an idea that has [...]
Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings: “Here’s my issue. This is [...]
Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it’s fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we [...]
Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is [...]
Magical idiot Rick Perry has big plans when he becomes president, in his mind. For one thing, he’s going to shut down as many federal government departments as he can easily count to: three. But which three? Oh who knows. Details are for, uh, more intelligent people?
Serial scumball Newt Gingrich and banal grifter idiot Herman Cain held some kind of “modified Lincoln Douglas style debate” Saturday night, which attracted exactly as much media attention as Newt Gingrich desperately blathering reasons why he deserves Herman Cain’s veep pick on a Saturday night as you’d expect. There was exactly one fun part, when [...]
Texas Governor Rick Perry had not been drinking in public or smoking marijuana in front of people or gobbling “back pills,” according to the leader of the conservative group that hosted Perry’s rambling, drunken speech over the weekend. “I can tell you unequivocally he wasn’t drinking at the event and he hadn’t been drinking prior [...]
The reason why everybody says Rick Perry is a haughty gay country club waiter in Dallas is because that is exactly how he acts. But there was another Rick Perry, in the past: A Rick Perry who was not afraid to express his love of sausage, and was also not afraid to dress up in [...]
Tom Leppert is running for Senate in Texas. Who is Tom Leppert? He is a strange tool who wants to collect email addresses for his Senate campaign fundraising spam lists by starting a delusional petition site to “End the Occupation” because, he says, “the Occupy Wall Street crowd represents the same flawed values that got [...]
All America really wants or prays for at this point is a RICK PERRY SEX SCANDAL to make life worth living again, but here’s some “placeholder” dirt the Washington Post dug up in the meantime: Perry’s family leased a back woods Texas hunting camp for the last couple decades where the Perrys have hosted hawt ritual [...]
It is time to enjoy this fantastic “Rick Perry Rap” performance made by a couple of humans (?) in Austin. And, for once, we really have nothing more to say on the subject.
Lead old fart in the Washington Post’s “Eldercare for columnists” division Richard Cohen proclaimed his manly affection for Texas bozo barbie Rick Perry, not for something inane/worthwhile like “policy reasons,” but because the hot waves of bubbling stool ever-flowing out of the right-wing punditry’s toilet tank these days have a decidedly anti-Perry flavor to them. Ergo, this [...]
