things to do
It’s time to assess whether you’ve been doing enough drinking on outdoor patios this summer. Well, HAVE YOU? The three-day-drunk-fest that marks the end of summer is but one month away. Whether your fun comes courtesy of slave reparations or not, you can have just as lavish a last month of summer as Sasha Obama, [...]
Our fallen heroes were honored yesterday, and summer was officially born. This means that in just 12 short weeks it will be Labor Day, the slightly less morbid three-day cluster of BBQs and booze that will mark the end of summer. Now, if 12 weeks is enough time to clean up an inconvenient oil spill, [...]
The cherry blossoms made their yearly appearance last week, but the motherfuckers only peaked for one day! That was it. One day of cherry blossom amazingness, eight days of ehh, and 14 days of non-stop tourists and their incredible ability to circle trees and just be in the way, period. This is the last time [...]
Attention descendants of wandering Arameans everywhere: It’s Passover. Eight days of eating Matzah and longing to go number two in celebration of the virgin blood that Jews smeared on their doors and the subsequent death of lots of Egyptians. The Easter Bunny, as we understand it, survived unharmed. The world may be run by Jews, but [...]
The ancient celebration of boobs, beads, and booze affectionately referred to as “Fat Tuesday” is TODAY. What’s supposed to be the last night of eating rich, fatty foods before the Lent fast begins is in reality yet another excuse for people of all denominations to imbibe, with the added bonus of boobs and beads. And [...]
It snowed again, and it snowed a lot. And this time, not only did everyone have plenty of toilet paper and cookies, but everyone also got mad at Mayor Fenty for not cleaning up the streets. Well, except for folks who work for the federal government, that is, because work was canceled for the fourth [...]
